Have I got a treat for you!

InMyHeels is hosting a free contest and the topic at hand is

WHAT KEEPS YOU YOUNG? 

Is it your treasured girls night out?  That two year old you chase during all hours of the day?  Perhaps its your ME time, or watching the game.

All I’m looking for are comments from you guys on the question - what keeps YOU young - and that enters you in the random drawing for a Lipton branded FUJI Crosstown 2.0 bicycle (retail value $399).  You can double your entry by mentioning this contest and posting a link back to InMyHeels.com!  One of you will win this bike in addition to a $75 check for professional assembly and 5 coupons for free 1.5 liter bottles of Lipton White Iced Tea.

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Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post’s poll.

When you take a look at how much NOT knowing certain things can cost you, it can really make your skin crawl.  If you’re one of many people struggling with your finances or would like to shave off unnecessary expenses, this post has some tips that you may not have heard of (I hadn’t until I did some research and boy did that initiate a couple of phone calls!)  Take a look for tips on personal financial management, debt and credit cards, savings, relationships and money, as well as coping with the emotional effects that being in debt leave your with.

I believe in the empowerment of self and struggles with money can really challenge that.  For some people, the effects range from a sudden increase in debt, a decrease in confidence, a loss of their home, and many more.  Since every little bit counts, here’s a list of Did-Ya-Knows.

For monetary goodness’ sake - I hope this offers some real help to you and hey, if you have a tip of your own, I encourage you to comment and add your 2 cents to this post.  Screw inflation, it’s worth a lot.

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words’ll never hurt me”.

…

I don’t agree with that statement. 

If you’re an individual who is pretty efficient and zoning out when people lash out comments meant to break your spirit, you may chant that to your merry heart’s content. 

But what if you have heard things that put you down - over and over again?  As a person in a toxic relationship, or as a child whose family member made it their business to  shred your dreams for breakfast - some lasting damage can really be done.

One may not always think of it that way, however -

If you find yourself doubting your capabilities - and that is your norm;
If you find yourself constantly gravitating to people who continue to chip at your self esteem;
If its your norm to dodge opportunities because negative opinions echo in your mind;

That’s all negative programming and you are functioning with those opinions as your guideline.

Often times you might hear someone say “Be Positive!”

What does that mean when you’ve been programmed with the negative untruths of your past?  All you might hear when told “be positive” is “smile and nod ’til this well-meaning person goes away”.  All you might feel when told “You are so beautiful; you are awesome;  you’re so TALENTED!” is *the sound of crickets*

The worst part is - you don’t WANT to disagree.  Really, you don’t.

Not only is it unfair, its unnecessary.  But what has been done, is done.  The key is - HOW do you change your mindset?

After thinking a certain way for so long - how on earth do you initiate the kind of change that gives you a real handle on the direction your life is going?

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The She-Power Women Series is an interview series which spotlights ordinary women living their lives in extraordinary yet simple ways.

It’s a great honor to have been picked for this feature and I’ll admit to the big grin I couldn’t wipe off.  I have such a strong interest in the positive light upon women and our strive for wellness, happiness, and self-love. 

Kelly, your kind words humble me.  My deepest appreciation goes out to you - THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

-JEMi

How long have you been this uncomfortable? 

With certain aspects of your life that is. 

Are you constantly poring over someone else’s get things done system - only to find the only thing you’re doing is frustrating yourself yet again?  It doesn’t even make any sense.  It works for some people - why not you?

How about your job?  Are you supposed to like it because you spent a good lot of your time for the past __ years learning for a shot at your dream only to find that it just isn’t flowing as well as you pictured?

Is it you?

Quite frankly yes. 

It’s you…not being you.  And that can be a problem.

For those on a serious quest for the inspired career move, having issues with learning, not understanding the relationship advice you’re getting (and therefore you MUST be an ogre) ignoring your natural tendencies will leave you feeling awkward.  You can technically force yourself to operate under someone else system but that’s the underlying discomfort you feel…

..and it’s probably feeding that growing monster of resentment that you’re carrying on your bare back.

You’d be amazed at what knowing and respecting your own personal style of operation can do for you.  You’d be super productive and a lot happier with your circumstances. 

And to think that people go on, for YEARS, oblivious to this fact and suffering a faceless unhappiness because of it!  Looks like there’s more to that “Be Yourself” thing huh. 

This is the part where I tell you that you can shell out fifty bucks or so over here at Kolbe.com to find out about yourself for your best life.

OR

You can thank your bloggy stars that JEMi knows JUST how you feel and is about to discuss the general guideline that test shows you.

*smile*

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When you see 194 lbs - what do you think?  Fit person?  Fat person?  Doesn’t matter.   194 lbs is an entire person. 

Imagine losing that extra person in weight after years of being obese.  It’s been part of your identity and has defined a good portion of life as you know it.  And now, that extra person is gone.

People would want to know, how did you do it?  How did you rid yourself of that much weight and - hear this - details please!

Well, my dear reader, I’ve got a goody to share.

The good blogging gods have smiled upon me and as fate would have it, I won a pre-released copy of Jennette Fulda’s book *Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir  For those of you who don’t know of Jennette (yet - because lucky you, I’m telling you about her now) she has lost 194 lbs thus far.  (more…)

The inescapable truth of break ups and divorces is the broken heart they can leave behind and the effect it has on the life you’re trying to live. Ever tried to focus on a spreadsheet when someone you love just walked out on you? Perhaps you’re the exact opposite - you can’t step outside of your work because what’s waiting for you is a shattered mess called your life and it isn’t exactly going to clean itself up.

The magnitude of heart break is inexplicable when you are the one experiencing it. Often times, as the resilient beings that we are, we adapt - somehow - to the changes they bring. The adaptation may be clunky and awkward sometimes but we do the best we can the best way we know how.

I want to bring you a bit of the know how.

Will it bring your better days with that person back? Not likely.

But here are some of the intentions of this piece and hopefully the suggestions provided prove to be useful to you:

- That “Why” question

- A better handle on every day life when sudden depression hits

- How to live without him

- Feelings of abandonment and what to do with them

- The difference between trying again and a never ending cycle

- Will you ever love again?

- What to do while you do your emotional work

I’ll make the rash assumption that this parting was ugly in my attempt to address some of the extreme feelings (and their derivatives) and what to do with them.

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There can be a lot of internal conflict and grief about what you SHOULD be doing and what you actually are doing.  Where you SHOULD be in life, and where you are.  If you are someone who wants to have it all but barely has some, you might secretly harbor thoughts that “because you are the way you are”, things can’t happen for you the way they fall cinematically into place for - say - Madonna (which, by the way, is only your perception from the outside looking in).

But consider this. 

Have you ever considered the possibility that a good lot of the way you behave, the things you can or cannot do, your success, the amount of people who know who you are, your level of happiness all depended on your sense of identity? 

Think of it like this.  You think of yourself as an upstanding citizen.  To maintain that identity, you pay your taxes (…right?), you work or go to school or are “in between” instead of announcing “I am decidedly doing nothing with myself for the rest of my life”, you don’t walk around punching people in the face for sport, and you maintain some semblance of social decency.  Suppose you didn’t think of yourself as an upstanding citizen but rather a common criminal at heart.  You throw your hands up because at least you’re real, and you proclaim “This is ME.  This is who I am.  That’s just the way it is.”  And with that, your standards of living are somewhat different.  In line with the criminal mindset, stealing is just a way of life, you don’t worry about upsetting Uncle Sam, you live with society’s perception of you without losing any sleep about how to change it anymore, and yes - you’ll punch a face or two because you’re bad like that.

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 There is a special kind of connection available to couples everywhere.  *Ahem*  Available being the operative word.  After all, we’re saturated with scary divorce stats, horror stories and bad experiences.  We’ve all witnessed more than our share of the reprehensible behavior between couples.  What’s a good prime time drama without a decent backstab between lovers?    And often, girls/guys nights out are flooded with ‘empowering’ acts of thumbs down to the opposite sex for anything outside of self gratification.  So it makes perfect sense that a good lot of us hold an attitude of what we think is self preservation and build a nice wall around ourselves with black and white stills of horrors from the past hung up as infallible reminders.  This is where the tucking real emotions away begins.  Facades of perfection to stave singleness away.  If you’ve ever been with someone and had to endure a fight where the methods of attack were using not-so-delightful bits of your past as arsenal, well, you know better than gifting anyone new a history about yourself.

In one sense, you are successful with this method.  You’ve got yourself decent partnership with a nice enough person and you don’t have to show up to dinner parties alone.  You experience superficial passions and what you don’t get from him, a decent soap should be able to provide.  The important thing is you’re not alone and…well.. this is what it’s supposed to be anyway right?  The exhilarating highs between couples you read about seem to be exclusive to new relationships, torrid affairs, and high school. 

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Perhaps you’re at a point in your life where things aren’t swell but aren’t horrible either.  A middle plane, with your daily comings and goings steady like a mill and well, not so exciting.The exciting stuff is coming.  You know - when you make that deal, when you finish school, when you lose 50 lbs…when you find the right man..

And so you wait.

And wait.

You’ll be happy one day - it just has to happen.

So you wait some more.

And what you aren’t realizing is while you’re waiting for that good thing to happen so that you can start your fabulous new life, the life you have is passing by.  Days you can’t reclaim and that were loaded with the potential to make you feel good about being alive.

Maybe you’ll be super lucky and that day comes quickly for you.  So you’d be exempt of wasting your days, skipping in glee.

Those odds are there for the taking so yeah - maybe you’ll be lucky - so you’ll wait.

Would you bet your life on those odds?

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