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The questions that you ask yourself and others dictate the kind of life you lead. When you start to ask different questions, you can start living the life you want to live.
- Tim Brownson
It’s another Free InMyHeels Giveaway!!! Head to the bottom of this post to see how you can win a free copy of the book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions?: There Are No Stupid Questions!!!
What is it that you have swimming around in your mind, preoccupying the space up there and either
a) filling you with joy, strong motivation, and a healthy appetite for life
or
b) pain striking anxiety, fear, and self doubt?
What type of questions do you ask yourself?
Are you mostly likely to ask yourself “What can I do to make this great idea happen?!” or “What makes me think that I can do something like that? Are you most likely to question the timing of a new project or the actual existance of the necessary talent?
So many questions, so valuable your time in this life you live.
Do you actually get that?
This LIFE that YOU live! <– The exclamation point is there because as a mere phrase, “This life that you live” is merely cliche. But when you think about the fact that your deep happiness or everpresent self dissatisfaction can be tipped either way, you come to realize with excitement (or sheer horror) that its really up to you to do something about it to get it where you’d like it to be!
So the question then is - Where do you start?
The author that I quoted in the beginning of this post is Tim Brownson, the life coach behind the excellent blog that is ADaringAdventure.com and I’ve had the delightful pleasure of reading his book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: The Are No Stupid Questions which deeply inspired me to whip up this piece for you. I’ll be using some of the questions he provides in his book as headlines for some important points you need to hit in your self discovery. That being said, I highly recommend this book as quality reading for simple tips and questions that help you find EXACTLY what you’re looking for. You.
Q: What Fears are Holding You Back From Achieving Your Full Potentional?
Finding Your Answer: I tell you what. At face value, that strong resistance you have to change may seem it exists because you’re set in your ways. You “just like it that way”. You’re “just good at this anyway so why not stick with it until retirement?”
….
You’re scared witless is what you are and that happens. After all, you know that box that is your comfort zone? Well outside of that box seems scary because something is telling you “Hey listen lady. You know this box. You’ve mastered this box. It may not be a fun, really fulfilling box but at least you know what’s coming with this box”
My question is - do you really? Are you seriously prepared to continue your life in the state of stagnation? Are you genuinely willing to stunt your growth and a chance of exciting delicious fulfillment because of fear of what MIGHT be?
What is it exactly that you fear? Tim’s pearl of wisdom here is excellent for helping you discover the answer that you need for the next step. I quote “Are my fears based in common sense and if so do I need to act accordingly, or is my fear really False Evidence Appearing Real?”
That false evidence is more than enough for many of us to avoid stepping out of the box. To think that FALSE evidence is getting in the way of the REAL joys of your life. What are you going to do about that?
Q: Do You Know What Drives You, What Motivates You, and What Inspires You?
Finding Your Answer: The quest for one’s passion is maddening for some, exhilerating for others. We might forget that as human beings, the mere dynamic of our lives means we may pick up new passions or discover things we never knew we had within us! Some of us have to do some actual exploring to detect the mere outline of what shapes our passion.
It’s more than finding out what you want to do professionally.
It gets really deep into questions like what is that makes you feel good about life? What fills you with joy? What REALLY matters to you?
Do you know what your values are? In the chapter “Know Your Values” Tim explains that when first asked, most of us - if not all - struggle with answering the question “What are your values?” Not only is it food for thought, its fuel for life. If you know what those principles of yours are, it really helps you in the event that different parts of your life clash - thus disturbing your inner peace - because you know what’s important to you and what challenges that.
That would explain that odd feeling you get when you sense that something isn’t right for you but you can’t put your finger on it. Identify what gets you going to help you get where you’d like to go.
Q: How Long Are You Spending Feeling Bad About Something You Can’t Influence?
Finding Your Answer: Its true- bad things happen that sadden us and affect our state of mind. Of course you are working on being a positive person however it’s alright to be sad about things that hurt you. Like Tim says, it’s a normal human reaction. The problem isn’t in being sad itself. The problem that some of us face is the length of time we spend on matters that we can’t change by sheer worrying alone. I know you what what I’m talking about - thinking yourself into a headache, worrying relentlessly about things you cannot change.
Knowing how much of your mental energy you spend on matters you cannot change is a good thing to know. With the power of change that you initiate, you can spend some of that time doing something good for yourself. Noticing how much time you spend pouring negative energy into your life by dwelling on matters that you cannot change can be the first step to alleviating the stress that accompanies it. Take that and couple it with the decision to decrease your focus on such matters to experience a new found freedom.
Of course it is important to note that if you are someone who suffers from a chronic state of depression or another mental illness that aggravates and prolongs your deep feelings of sadness, it is so important to seek medical help. With the proper treatment, you too can use your time for the good things in life that you CAN impact - like your health.
Q: What Could You View Differently By Accepting That Your Best Is Always Good Enough?
Finding Your Answer: Craving acceptance something fierce, many of us are plagued with thoughts that we are not enough. We strive to be super productive while wearing heels (ok, some of us do. Judge me not.) and can find ourselves threatened when we compare ourselves with others who seem like they’ve got it all together.
Now for the fun part. Let’s entertain, for a moment, the idea that you operate to the best of your ability at any given moment. Now let’s say that your best is ALWAYS good enough. What does that change for you? What liberty does that give you? Would you dare press on with more challenges knowing that you are indeed capable? How about that rush of self satisfaction? Could you treat yourself to a smile because you know you did all that you could and that is a GREAT thing?
Some of us penalize ourselves with every negative thought including the “Not Enough” ones. It makes us feel unimportant and incapable. This is why I MUST share this quote with you!
Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret
- Don Miguel Ruiz
I hate to stop here because these are only a few of the smart questions for self in Tim’s value packed book “Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: There Are No Stupid Questions“. (I had to resist the urge to share it all with you!) Written with Tim’s own branded blend of wit and wisdom, this light hearted book helps you answer the heavy questions of your life with its many tips for tackling the matters of our minds.
If you’ve resonated with any portion of this post, you are sure to really enjoy his book just like I have and so I’m so happy to announce yet another InMyHeels giveaway!
Five readers shall receive a free copy of Tim’s book! Simply leave a comment about a positive change or discovery in YOUR life! What realization or Answer brought you there?
I’ll be choosing my five favorite bits of feedback after the deadline - Saturday, June 7, 2008. I really look forward to your insights!
To discover more Q&As about your Self and living your best life,
subscribe to InMyHeels.com! For Free of course!
Photos by: Ram! and LunaDiRimmel
Some great, fundamental questions to ask ourselves!
In my situation, I’d been trying for years to lose a lot of weight, but could never manage it. Looking back now, I realise that I was settling for a second best life to the one I actually wanted.
One Monday morning, however, I decided that enough was enough.
For me, the questions that had to be asked were: “Who is the person that I’m meant to be, and how does he live his life”. Being overweight wasn’t making me happy; I wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
Finding the answers was the starting point for huge change. It was invaluable to take the time out and carefully work through exactly what I wanted my life to look like. I wrote ideas down, I scored some out. Eventually, I had a much clearer understanding of who I wanted to be. Better still, I had come up with a plan on how to get there.
It might seem an obvious discovery, a stupid one even. But, finally realising my motivation for change had a major impact.
I achieved the goal, losing approx.100 lbs/ 45kg, at long last. The knock-on effects to my health and self confidence were immense. If I could achieve that goal, I could do just about anything.
Now, when I want to change an aspect of my life, I set apart the time to ask the same questions which did the trick before: “Who is the person that I’m meant to be, and how does he live his life”.
Tim’s questions, and the suggestions on how to find our own answers, are very helpful. I look forward to reading what discoveries have made a big difference to other people.
The best thing that happened to me was becoming a mom, because prior to that I was a perfectionist and a terribly uptight CONTROL FREAK. It’s futile to try to be perfect and control everything when in fact nothing is perfect and we have very little control over life. Once you have kids, you HAVE to let go of perfectionism. My kids taught me to relax, take it easy and ENJOY life. I will always be grateful to them for that.
Vereds last blog post..The Sleazy Ads of Google Adsense
I have the serious habit of comparing myself to others. After this reading, I am going to adopt a devil-may-care attitude about things I cannot control. Also, I will try to understand things that I can control. Another great one JeMi! When is err..your book coming out? Seriously…seriously!
Hi JEMi,
My parents raised us to always do our best, no matter what the job was. So when I was a maid for a hotel, I prided myself on being the best bed maker, duster and toilet scrubber.
I’ve carried that attitude with me throughout my life and it has rewarded me in too many ways to mention.
The quote by Don Miguel Ruiz is right on.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Those Are Fighting Words
Honestly, the thing that changed me the most was losing my mother. In a span of a month we found out she had cancer and in that time span she passed away.
I realized how powerless one could truly feel. But with that, I also learned that life throws curveballs and you can’t always be SO focused on the future that you forget today.
I learned to enjoy my present and plan for my future but know that things won’t always go as planned and be okay with that!
Also, I can’t be afraid to live. My box may be comfortable but if I’m feeling restless it’s time for me to go against what I may know and try something new!
JEMi,
This is just in time article for me. It’s been 17 long years since I left my home to start life on my own knowing to face unknowns. I’ve been told that I was feeble and not aggressive enough to make on my own as I lived life of privilege with my parents. All those comments made me a stronger person from within. It shaped my character and gave me the motivation to succeed. I was still getting exasperated when I failed in my efforts. One day I met with a handicap young man who talked about his dream to be a wrestler. In his eyes I saw unwavering confidence to succeed no matter what happens along the way. He was achiever and not a quitter. My life has changed since then. I’ve detailed my journey in the last post of mine -
“How I Transformed my Life with These 5 Simple Thoughts”
Please read the post if time permits. You’ll find the essence of positivity that I’ve embraced in my life. It’s a beautiful journey.
Thanks for the opportunity to share this with you.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..How I Transformed My Life with These 5 Simple Thoughts
Nice post JEMi. “Know thyself” is the age old command. You’ve presented some great questions.
This ties into the question I’m asking over at my blog: What am I? It is a fascinating question. Actually, I’m a big fan of questions for personal and spiritual development. Questions bring us to the edge of what we consciously know and have us tap into a deeper knowing. A wisdom beyond the mind.
I’ve experienced profound change via questions. Thanks for the post.
This last year I left teaching my 5th graders and took a promotion in our admin office. It was a risk for me. While I was perfectly happy in my classroom and was a leading teacher in our district, I was entering new territory. In this job I was to support our science curriculum and the teachers and principals at the schools. While the teachers and principals really enjoyed my service and complimented me a great deal, my boss didn’t feel that I was a match (although she couldn’t come up with a concrete reason). So I had to finish the last half of my contract knowing I was getting the boot. (Friday is my last day) I was devistaed. I am not used to not measuring up in a boss’s eyes. I believe there are hidden agendas that I became collateral damage from.
So what am I doing now? I am starting my own business (linked to my name). This will be wonderful. I will be using my talents of teaching, creativity, curiculum design, and especially my report with students in this new venture. I am teaming up with a friend to do this which will also be great. Her talents of business management and organization will compliment me greatly. I am not worried about the economy. I know if I work hard doing my best at what I do best, I will be successful! But most of all, I’m going to have a blast!
Wow, I just found your blog today and I’m in LOVE with everything from your posts to your blog title. A contest only makes it that much better…
Anyway, about change:
I find it interesting how often a “negative” life experience becomes a catalyst for positive change. Personally, I’ve experienced that phenomenon through many years of illness. I grew up an over-stressed perfectionist, pulling all-nighters as a matter of course. But if there’s one thing illness teaches, it’s how to give in to our limitations. When to say no, when to accept “the good enough,” and how to set priorities for what’s most meaningful in life.
Most recently, I’ve been on disability for a couple of years. On one hand, it’s hard to suffer constant illness, and it’s easy to lose your feeling of competence when you’re not practicing a chosen career. But on the other hand — what a gift! My disability payments support a basic standard of living while giving me time off the career track to decide what activities interest me most, and to allow me to explore new areas (art, blogging, planning a wedding) without having to fit them into the in-between-times of work life.
Two Wishess last blog post..Quick & Easy Group Shots
I too have read Tim’s book and love it! I recommend dipping into it any time your motivation is flagging (preferably with a cup of tea and some chocolate alongside.)
Laurie — very best of luck to you with the new business (I saw your comment over on Tim’s blog too) — it sounds like you have a heck of a lot on your plate but that you’ve got the strength and determination to rise through it all to be an outstanding success!
Ali from The Office Diets last blog post..Protein: essential, but how much do you need?
@Ali- Thanks for your encouragement. I do feel that my plate is full. I think I must have eaten everything on it as well because this year I have gain quite a bit of weight! I’m a stress eater. But I have started playing racquetball and am cutting back so I can get it off. I know this past year will help me be more successful in my business. I have learned so much and have made valuable connections. What I have been through will be totally worth it when I am where in need to be full time. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow! I appreciate your words.
A positive change that has come in my life is taking things in smaller steps. I am a goal fanatic, but recently I have learned to take things one day at a time. I felt I have wasted a lot of time being overwhelmed with applying to graduate school. So everyday I do something small to get me closer to the my goal. Yesterday I researched my final schools and today I cam making achedule to retake my GRE.
Tashyas last blog post..To Buy List 6.4.08
Thanks a lot for the review JEMi, and what a great review it was too. As usual, you have made even a review about a book I am fairly familiar with interesting!
I’m very grateful and just wanted to add that I am happy to mail out a hard copy to anybody you chose that is in the US. If they’re overseas I get cheap though and it’s the e-book
Tim Brownsons last blog post..Who Are You Today?
Sometimes a post like this is exactly what we need.
Taking a step back and watching ourselfs from a viewpoint, seeing where we sometimes go wrong in the everyday clutter and stress.
So thanks JEMi, I think you continue to inspire your (yet small but soon huge) fan base.
Two things came to mind as I was reading the questions above.
One is to share a discovery I made: a book called “Scanners” by Barbara Sher. She’s been writing books about living a life you love, finding meaningful work, etc. for quite a while.
I should say that I honestly was starting to think I had ADD before I saw this book. It’s been wonderful (for me) because it talks about those of us who have trouble finding one driving passion, but instead have our heads and our hearts going in many directions.
Our culture doesn’t really support this (in my view); we seem much more interested in becoming experts and specialists. But we don’t have to be! I’ve just started reading the book, but I plan to review it on my blog when I’m finished.
And regarding things we can’t influence: my mother calls this “practicing detachment”; I say “I can only control what *I* do”, but it’s basically the same. Easier said than done, though, especially in relationships.
Ann at One Bag Nations last blog post..Procrastination Fuels Anxiety
Hello JeMi, I am an avid reader of your work. I was wondering if you can do a piece on when one finds out how unpopular they really are. I really don’t know what to do because I unintentionally turn people off from me.