Loading ...

Have you ever found yourself at the very center of unwanted attention?  You know - the very center as in a perfect bull’s eye with everyone’s hurtful words as darts using you as target practice?  Whether they have great aim and are spot on or they are just letting ‘em fly, the wounds hurt all around.

Now, if you’re a celebrity, They say no publicity is “bad” publicity.  But if you’re an everyday (but still fabulous) girl, the last thing you need at the office are a group ‘knowing eyes’ glancing away with the soundtrack of hushed whispers and snickers.  You don’t need your attendance at school commemorated with the uncomfortable air that comes with being gossiped about.  I won’t pretend that this is a simple situation because truth be told, anything that has to do with being criticized and having your feelings hurt is, by nature, a difficult thing to deal with.  But I CAN suggest a couple of things you can bear in mind that can both strengthen you and grant you the graces you need to keep your chin up as they cast those stones.

Here’s the Scoop

So you’ve been branded with a scarlet letter for whatever reason and now you’re the talk of the town in the most unflattering light. The best thing you can do at this point is keep on living your life.  Literally.  Don’t fuel the flames by behaving like you have something to hide by literally hiding.  Often times, people who hear the gossip may watch you like a hawk looking for ways to substantiate a rumor.  Behaving viciously and being defensive only contributes to the latest feed.  Avoiding your usual activities insinuates a truth in the trash talk.  So yes, this means you don’t get to become a hobbit.  Now, the difficult part of this for you may be the level of embarrassment you have to face.  If there is no truth to the rumors spread about you, you may have to (force a) laugh and give an incredulous look to the person who brings it to you.  People often look for shock value and may even enjoy watch you sweat and hyperventilate in your attempt to stutter “That’s a lie!” Now if there IS a truth to the rumor,  keep your cool and secure your forces (get your real friends) for support.  Keeping your cool means

1. Don’t go stark raving mad and publicly attack the person who began spreading your private business.  Going toe to toe in public about details you wanted to keep private to begin with just might gouge out more.  That and you just may substantiate the rumor with such a reaction.
2. Remember that negative news had just been spread about you.  Don’t underscore the defamation of your character with your actions.  Stealing a bus to run that *fill in the blank* over won’t erase what she said about you.  Now you’re both whatever you were accused of AND crazy/classless/whatever.
3. You don’t have to tackle every person you suspect might know something about you and try to set the record straight.  True, your privacy may have been violated.  But you don’t owe the world any explanations.  All that does is remove even MORE of your privacy.  Instead, use that energy to lick your wounds.  

Loose Lips Can Lose a Friend

If the source of the gossip was due to a friend of yours accidentally divulging private information, it may be hard to stomach because at that point, people may see her as a credible source and remain steadfast on their opinions.  I won’t say toss her on the sidewalk but I will say a serious talk with her is in order.  Confronting her with the damage done, the importance of privacy and your hurt just may be the thing to help her seal her lips next time.  Personally, I am very mindful of what the people in my life do and even when I forgive them for hurting me, I am careful the next time around with what sensitive information I may place in their hands.

She Started It.

You may very well feel a need to confront the source of the gossip.  In that case, a private talk with her should take place.  Direct eye contact, direct communication, and a direct cause.  Many people hate confrontation, even when they are smug gossipers and just may stop.  More importantly, this is for you because an empowered you is capable of standing up for yourself and taking hold of a bad situation.  The ability to demand respect from the source means you’re capable of hold your head high- a gesture of your own existing strength.  Even if you doubt it, it does exist but you need to avoid the strong urge to cower and calmly confront your situation. 

When Gossip Attacks:  Your Relationship

So-and-so saw you with so-and-so and now your Cookie Bear is enraged.  Gossip attempts to attack relationships by the jugular and if it is successful, you are now involuntarily single.  Granted that you were not, indeed, with Lover #2, the only thing that can fight this is building strength and trust within your relationship.  A relationship with someone you love is an intimate connection that must be respected and nurtured.  Build that level of trust with your partner by being honest with him.  Having to omit the company of certain somebodies insinuates that you have something to hide.  Not good.  Worse yet, if you actually DO have something or someone to hide from your significant other, it is safe to say that gossip is not the immediate source of danger to your relationship.  Blaming the peanut gallery would then be you deflecting the actual problem onto an outside source.  At that point, I would say ‘Being honest with yourself is the first step’….and that’s an entirely different post.

When Gossip Attacks:  A Loved One

When someone you love is the victim of gossip, it’s a painful thing to watch.  In your anguish for your person, you may want to react in one or all of the aforementioned Don’ts.  The Don’ts still apply even when you’re not the one in the spotlight because the flames of gossip lap and grow at any source.  The best thing you can do is provide unwavering support during such a tough time.  Help your loved one by being all ears - to her, not the gossip.  Reassure your friend with your still existing friendship both indoors and outdoors.  I say this because playing the role of Judas during tough times makes you a fair weathered friend… which may hurt even more than the gossip itself!  And of course, you’re wonderful.  You’re not a fair weathered friend so be there consistently.  With that kind of support, the person you love has a better chance of standing tall and resuming life the best she can.

Last, but not least -

Don’t Fight Gossip with Gossip

You aren’t a gladiator.  You’re a person seeking some normalcy in your life.  Starting rumors or digging up dirt to shove into the mouths of the gossipers will only belittle your character not to mention create a (maybe) never-ending war.  Now your life will be consumed with negativity- both produced by yourself, and received.  Don’t allow negative people to negate the positive you.  The positive you is the best you and the best you deserves to enjoy life even if those around her are hapless.  Misery loves company and is faithful.  Rise above the situation by staying mum even if you do acquire a juicy tidbit that just may send Misery packing.  If you must have your cheap thrill, shooting a knowing look and smile right on back should suffice ;-) but don’t do any tongue lashing.  Remember that karma and move on with your big and beautiful life.  You’ll be a better woman for it.

What’s your method of dealing with gossip?

Photos by:  Gabriela Camerotti

If you enjoyed this article, please Digg, Stumble, or bookmark on Technorati. Your support is deeply appreciated :)

Hide Sites

• Half-Assed: Becoming Half Your Size
• Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin