Perhaps you’re at a point in your life where things aren’t swell but aren’t horrible either. A middle plane, with your daily comings and goings steady like a mill and well, not so exciting.The exciting stuff is coming. You know - when you make that deal, when you finish school, when you lose 50 lbs…when you find the right man..
And so you wait.
And wait.
You’ll be happy one day - it just has to happen.
So you wait some more.
And what you aren’t realizing is while you’re waiting for that good thing to happen so that you can start your fabulous new life, the life you have is passing by. Days you can’t reclaim and that were loaded with the potential to make you feel good about being alive.
Maybe you’ll be super lucky and that day comes quickly for you. So you’d be exempt of wasting your days, skipping in glee.
Those odds are there for the taking so yeah - maybe you’ll be lucky - so you’ll wait.
Would you bet your life on those odds?
CLICK!
Have you ever seen that movie Click starring Adam Sandler? The general gist of it is he has this remote control and he’s able to fast forward through the unfun, not-so-savory bits of life. What a concept!
Life sucks today. Fast forward.
Uh oh, I hate this part of life too! Fast forward.
I can’t WAIT until I’m in my 30’s and successful! Fast forward.
…Forties and successful! Fast forward.
You keep clicking for the rest.
What happens to all the time you spend wanting your life to be different and living in the waiting zone the same? You lose it.
You may not realize that you’re waiting to live - but do any of the following examples sound familiar?
- “When I make more money, I’ll be happy”
- “He will love me again one day. I just have to…”
- “I’m not at home much but I’ll spend time with them soon”
- “I’ll start my new business soon and things will be great”
It’s more than have those undefined goals that have no time stamp. It’s pausing your happiness until those things are completed that risks letting plenty of life seep through the cracks. If you have it ingrained in you that your happiness is dependent on an event of success, you just may be robbing yourself blind.
How to Live for Today
I find that if you invest in making every day one that is a pleasure to live (to the best of your abilities of course) you propel yourself into accomplishing that happy day you’re waiting for. This discovery has come to me in slow motion (think sap from a tree) but I’m glad it came. Thinking you have to suffer until something happens is a farce. The journey towards success can be just as enlightening as it can be soul sucking. You just have to choose which side of the road you rather travel on.
You start with your destination in mind. You’ve got a little black dress with your name on it? Savor that baby and know that’s where you’re headed. Look at it, touch it, feel it, buy it. Visually reinforcing what you want is so powerful. Who hasn’t had a good ole time driving on the block with the really pretty houses? You just KNOW deep down you will own one one day and the grass will be greener on your lawn. You can entice your senses with the anticipation of getting what you want by making it your business to take a nice longing look at where you’re headed. It can be as simple as creating a vision board - cutting out pictures and phrases of your hearts content and arranging them on a page or book where you can look on a regular basis. For the technology inclined, you can create incredible GOAL MOVIES. Clay over at TheGrowingLife (one of my favorite blogs) wrote a post explaining how you can create a movie of things that you want for yourself - with music, pictures, and everything. Excite your senses. See what you want.
Increments girl, Increments: What are you doing today that is helping you get to where you want to go? You may not be in the position to saunter into a nice new office space and say “I’ll take it” - but even if you could. Do you know what to DO with that space? Are your ideas written down? Did you get yourself some of the skills you need to know what to do? Did you rub shoulders with those who can help you? Are you working on making some of the money that you’re going to need? Are you building the credit that will help make it happen? What do people who are in the position that you want to be in have that you don’t? What do they know that you don’t? Grant yourself the edge with the time that you have while you’re waiting for life to drop you a gift-wrapped special - Take a good look at what you DON’T have to make your dream a reality and get it. Get the guts. Get the classes. Get the right foods. Get whatever it is you need. Even small increments are steps forward. If you really have somewhere to go, you will use every day you have now to help you reach your destination
Appreciate the Perks: I challenge you to hate life at the very same time you are thanking your lucky stars that you got the day off today. When you are too busy looking for the good things in your life, the “at least I..”, you’re state of mind shifts to a positive aspect and you need that. A positive attitude enables you to brainstorm what to do next when things aren’t looking so sweet- and find a solution that just might work. If you can be grateful for what you have, you won’t allow self pity to stall your ascent to the top. It’s so true. Appreciate the ones who love you and support you - and let them know about it. Love them out loud. A support system is a terrible thing to waste. Find something good, no matter how small, and count those points into your day. With that slice of gratitude every day, you actually build strength and tenacity. You learn how to spin things into your favor. You find the goods to salvage in a pile of drama and most importantly, you feed your mind the sweets flavor instead of the sour lemons in your life. That’s so much easier to swallow.
Live Like You Made It
Uh uh. This isn’t permission to go shop beyond your means. No, what I mean is: you want to be the femme fatale CEO who walks with grace and confidence one day. Step into her heels and start exuding that grace and confidence now. Regardless of what you do for a living, you can inject quality into your work, confidence into your attitude, eloquence in your speech and basically raise your standards of living. Since when does a title give you the skills you need to claim it? It’s the other way around. The skills you have bring you the title! So you walk and talk with authority, you’ll find yourself being treated with the respect an authority commands. If you take care of your appearance and carry yourself with an air of beauty both inside and out, people just won’t be able to ignore it. They’ll gravitate to the charm in your eyes that sparkle with your smile. A pleasant attitude and charisma is so very attractive. You want to become a doctor one day, you make it your business to submerge yourself in the world of health-care. Find out what’s going on - keep up with the times. Surely, you won’t arrive to medical school and say
“Soooo…. what’s a heart?”
You want to be READY for opportunities! *Grimace* - I can only cringe when I think of what would happen if your day that you waited SO patiently for comes in the form of an opportunity and you can’t take it because you’re not ready! Because you didn’t operate in increments - because you don’t have the vision needed to turn a bad situation around by finding the silver lining!
Ouch!
No - you want to be ready for your big day. You want, when that right man (hubba hubba!) with his big heart and eagerness to love you comes, to be in a place where you are ready to accept love. You want to already be in love with yourself so that you can love him freely instead of spending a whole lot of time trying to cover those flaws quick! You don’t want to sabotage the chance of a beautiful new relationship with someone because you never cultivated a beautiful relationship with yourself.
Life is not about perfection. While you’re waiting for a new Monday to come to start your new diet because you messed up, again, what’s happening behind the scenes is slowly but surely killing you by blocking the ways to your heart. You can do better than that. You can decide to make your next meal a better one. Your next workout a tougher one. Healthy food doesn’t have to be gross and workouts don’t have to be boring. You find the spices to bring the flavor and the music to bring the life. You are so much closer to feeling better than you might think!
THAT way, when you DO get those abs, you know how to keep ‘em.
Strive to Be Alive
Chances are, what you’re looking for is deeper than the goal itself. You want to win a marathon because you want to feel like a winner and prove to yourself that you can push beyond the ordinary. You want to lose weight because you want to feel attractive and be healthy. You want to be in love because you know you’re worthy of it - you just would like some proof of that. You want to be the hot shot because heck, why can’t you own the spotlight?
If you can pinpoint the reasons behind your goals, all the steps mentioned before can help fulfill those reasons even before you reach that goal. That fulfillment that you’re looking for can come in all its exciting richness. It isn’t the end results that get you the satisfaction you seek - it’s all that work you did to get there. When you get there, it’s that much more satisfying.
So no, you don’t have to wait to live.
Strive to be alive from this point on. Cloak yourself with the essence of possibilities and make that trip to the top one where you can feel each rising level.
Don’t wait for life to happen to you. It can take it’s sweet time - when that time can be yours.
This is one of the best articles I have read in months in the personal growth sector of the Internet.
It needs to be reviewed more than once. It is practical. Simple. Compassionate. And do-able.
Thank you. I felt honored today to be the first one to stumble it.
I am a new subscriber to your site. But I already are looking forward to your next article.
This is some powerful writing right here. I was just nodding my head yes through the whole thing. Loved this statement
“And what you aren’t realizing is while you’re waiting for that good thing to happen so that you can start your fabulous new life, the life you have is passing by.”
Its always when this happens I’ll do this…we have to swim out to our ship and stop waiting for the ship to come in.
Great read and reminder, now I need to go plaster this post all around my house. You are fabulous!!!!!
Natural Woman’s last blog post..I Wish I Had Duck Feet
A very good reminder that our life starts today, now is all we have, the future is not certain and so we should live our lives as we would if we knew that we would die tomorrow. We should invest ourselves into our lives so that when the future does come upon us we will be able to reap a return from our giving; or as you put it we will be ready for the opportunities that present themselves.
I was just wondering if you had any tips on living in the moment. Experiencing each second of time to its fullest degree, to the greatest amount it can be experienced. Any thoughts?
Chris Jones’s last blog post..It’s All About Balance - 6 Tips To Balance Your Life
@ Corrine: Thank you for stopping by and for the stumble! I *really* appreciate it
It’s so rewarding to hear that you found this article special so thank you for the feedback
@ Natural: Hey
I’m glad that statement resonated with you. When it clicked in my mind, my heart started to beat so fast. I don’t want the life I have to slip away!
Just so you know Natural, I think you’re fabulous too
@ Chris: Hello, and thanks for stopping by! You know Carpe Diem? Seize the day? Well I find one way to do that is living purposefully. Approaching life with intent. Seeking richness within your connections (funny enough, thats my next post!) and taking responsibility for the direction your day goes. I would also say the portion of this article that speaks of gratitude definitely contributes to a better life on a day to day basis. Seizing opportunites both large and small, nurturing your mind and spirit on a very regular basis will condition you to think with clarity. What else - working to not live in the past or allow the past to consume the possibilities of today.
These tips are simple but not easy because we have to excercise them more than once for them to be effective in the long term.
This would be my opinion - I sure would love some input from more of the readers of InMyHeels.
Thanks for the reply and for the tips. I have heard the expression “seize the day,” yet I didn’t know that it was translated in Latin as Carpe Diem. Have you seen the movie or read the book: “The Peaceful Warrior”? If you haven’t I would highly recommend reading it or watching it. I guess my question was slightly influenced by the ideas that it presented, so let me try to rephrase it because I don’t think that you got the exact sense that I was meaning it in.
How can someone become fascinated by what is happening in each moment? How can they become more aware of everything that is happening? Such as the wind blowing on their cheek or through their hair? The twitter of the bird sitting outside their window? The new person that just walked into the coffee shop?
The reason that I am asking these questions is because I believe that if we were really aware of all the things that are going on around us each second we wouldn’t be bored at all at any point in time. In contrast, we would be fascinated by each thing that we were experiencing. And this would help us to gain a greater appreciation for the time that we do have to live.
Chris Jones’s last blog post..It’s All About Balance - 6 Tips To Balance Your Life
@ Chris: hello again! I believe that someone could be that highly sensitive to their surroundings during moments of meditation or the actual purposeful sitting still in order to experience those things. We’re definitely distracted by every day life - the things that happen, the things we have to do
I also think that some of the boredom or dissatisfaction that comes from life is because that spiritual time out is rarely taken.
I am no expert on the topic - I am currently exploring for more answers myself. I agree that gaining a greater appreciation for the time we do have to live is imperative.. Although from what I understand thus far, we ourselves would have to consistently pursue such a level of heightened sensitivity to the world around us. Without that active pursuit - we’re here.. just passing time waiting.
Awesome, awesome post — my favorite part is “Since when does a title give you the skills you need to claim it? It’s the other way around. The skills you have bring you the title!” although there are a lot of other great points as well.
“Wise beyond your years” is going to be the cliche to describe you, I’m sure of it.
Keep up the great work. I’ll be trying to live my life the best way I know, but with furtive glances to my reader to see when you have a new post.
Nez’s last blog post..Why Be Wary of Super Cheap Products
I thought this was a blog for women only but I see guys here too and I know why. You make very good points. I needed this right now. I have dreams and they feel so far away but I wait on them to be happy and I just want to be happy now. Life can be so tiresome. I’m a new subscriber to a blog titled InMyHeels but I’ll let the content explain itself. You’re awesome for helping me
I guess I’m not the only guy “lurking” around here either. Beautiful post Jemi. Life can’t wait. Now is all there is and ever will be. =)
Jonathan Mead’s last blog post..How to Boost Your Energy
Hi Jemi
Nice article, and an important message.
For years, I was stuck in constant striving and thinking one day when X happens I’ll be so happy. I would imagine how my life was going to be, do vision boards, pull out all the stops. But I found the problem with this kind of thinking is happiness is always “out there”. It’s in front of you, out of reach, never now.
Even when I would achieve something I thought I wanted, I would quickly move onto the next goal. And as the years wore on and I became more and more exhausted from all this wanting and doing and crazy juggling, I started to wonder if I would ever in fact be happy.
For me, it took motherhood and the time and energy constraints that it brings for me to hit an all-time low and realise I SHOULD be happy,but I wasn’t. For every cute adorable one-off thing my son did, I was a million miles away working on my next goal. It saddens me now to think of what I tuned out and missed in my first 2 years of motherhood just because I couldn’t see that THIS MOMENT is all we’ve got and we are happy because we CHOOSE to be. It all comes down to gratitude. You can look at all the things that are going well in your life and enjoy them today, or you can focus on the lack and waste your life away.
I know which way I’d rather live.
Thanks for reiterating a powerful message.
Kelly
Kelly@SHE-POWER’s last blog post..Do You Believe In Love At First Sight?
Hi JEMi,
Another wonderful and insightful post.
Gratitude for even the smallest things is so important. A gratitude journal works well for documenting that which we are thankful for on a daily basis. I read somewhere that if we are not grateful for that which we have, we’re not making room for more.
I read the book “The Power Of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, and that opened my eyes to living in the moment. I’m currently reading his new one, “A New Earth”, and it’s proving to be a great read as well.
Too often we forget we can choose to be happy, or we can choose to let the little things get us down.
Goals are great, but if we don’t enjoy the journey, much gets lost.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..NBOTW Shares From Years Of Experience
Another great post by a wonderful person, hooray.
Glad to see you’ve been busy at working getting ready to awe the world with your words again. As always, you have brilliant points on what you say and make it simple enough to for us all to understand.
@Chris - I studied meditation for quite sometime, and it is a great way to get yourself to the level you are asking Jemi about. Try sitting and allowing your mind to focus on specific things, such as the sound of birds singing, or that feeling the wind on your neck creates. You don’t have to meditate, entirely, if you can just get your mind to relax enough to really dig deeper into those sensations, you will learn to appreciate them even further. Also, my friend was in the movie, “The Peaceful Warrior.”
Yo JEMs! Great article and awesome pictures. Where do you find all of these. I think you should compile a list of your best finds because they’re great. I especially like that one with the sky in the background.
Anyway, thanks!
–Clay
Clay Collins | The Growing Life’s last blog post..How to Take a Sabbatical: An Author Interview with Dan Clements
Can I say that I just LOVE the focus of your blog? It’s easy to get discouraged in today’s world, but your frequent positive attitude and tips for staying focused manage a tone of optimism free of preaching and guilt. Easy to read, relate to, and attempt to follow.
Thanks for being a positive force in the blogging world.
ExposedNYC’s last blog post..Diddy Linked to Tupac’s Death
@ Nez: I love that thought too! ooh you’re a subscriber - well thank you
@ Dave: Ah, don’t let the URL fool you. I wrote it instead of “inmyshoes” because I’m a girly girl. However I write with everyone in mind. I’m glad the site is helping you figure out some things. It means alot to hear that so thank you!
@ Jonathan: Nah, you’re definitely not the only guy lol so thanks for stopping by..out loud
@ Kelly: Hello! Goal creating and achieving can be addictive - and we totally forget to engage in the now. Then.. we might have this feeling of always feeling rushed and never settled - and thats so important for achieving balance in your life. I know which way I rather live too so high five for the great minds think alike thing
@ Barbara: Its always a pleasure to see you here. Thank you for mentioning the books - I will be sure to be adding it to my growing library. I love reading - I really do and its a plus to know that you’ve found something in these books. Perhaps I will too!
@ Kevin: Thanks a million for the input. I put more thought into what Chris might be looking for and I agree meditation will fulfill that desire to achieve a higher sensitivity, peace, and appreciation to all things in the immediate world around you.
and thanks for the blogging buddy kudos. It lets me know I’m doing something right
@ Clay: Homeboy - lol - I find ‘em all on Flickr. If you look at the bottom of each post there is a link to each photographer for ever picture used. This site would not be the same without them at all. I spend a good amount of time there looking for the right images that strike the heart to match the words on the page. God bless every single one of ‘em photographers! I like that pic too -
It can go on my “expensive hobbies” list.
hmm a compilation - something to think about. But like I said - they are not mine. I do have that budding photographer just itching inside me though
@ ExposedNYC: You know, thank you for the direct affirmation I needed right on time. I was thinking about the site, hoping I was portraying the kind of help I wanted to provide accurately and I wake up and the first comment I read - waiting for me - is yours. I’m so glad you are finding this site helpful and unintimidating. I am grateful for your comment.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Jemi - what a tremendously powerful post! Now we just need to spread that message to the “masses.”
mark @ mytropicalescape’s last blog post..Top Ten Signs that You are Ready to Divorce Your Job
Thanks for the reply again Jemi, and for the suggestion Kevin, I really appreciate it. I’ve been wanting to start Tai Chi actually to get into that kind of meditation, but unfortunately for lack of money I haven’t been able to.
Chris Jones’s last blog post..It’s All About Balance - 6 Tips To Balance Your Life
Hi JEMi - these are great points. And so true. It’s madness to delay living a happy life now, as tomorrow may never come. I used to have that attitude to work and thought it didn’t matter if I spent my whole time working as the reward would come later. Then it occurred to me eventually that there may not be a later.
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..So What Is This Stupid Box In Your Head?
This is so great JEMi, totally enjoyed reading the article.
Using “Click” as an example is great, I actually really like the movie. It’s quite funny, and has a good morale.
Once again great post!
Alex Kay’s last blog post..Why Having a Skill is Important When it Comes to Dating
Wow I’m glad I read your blog. You’re wise beyond your years. This post is one of the most inspiring, honest and well-written entries I’ve read since I’ve entered the blogosphere. I wish I could have you as a contributor over at The Yupp Lounge.
Take life by the horns, doc.
You should write a book. I’ll buy it for sure.
Dapo of The Yupp Lounge’s last blog post..Back When Boys Played With Dolls
Humph, you’ve changed my mind! Your arguments are convincing indeed. Despite I’m not a person who is easy to be convinced.