What People Do Is a Reflection of THEM.  Not You.

Life has a nice twist to it when you grab that concept and make it your own.  Sometimes you run into someone who clearly doesn’t like you because you breathe funny.  Maybe your curl bends the wrong way - who knows?  The fact of the matter is someone’s disapproval can wreak havoc on your self esteem simply because you can’t understand what the problem is.  (Wait- what??  You…don’t LIKE me?!?… How is this possible??)  Truly bizarre don’t you think?  ;) 

The animosity you may experience from a random stranger or even someone you know is not a reflection of you.  If someone feels the need to insult you or downplay your value, they are projecting an inherent thought process in their own minds upon you based on their own beliefs.  As I will get into in the next section Know Your Values- Know Yourself, you need to be able to define your own beliefs and your own thought process.  Alot of the humiliation or hurt that can come from someone’s words can actually come from deep down, you agreeing with them somehow.  Ouch.

JEMi, this is easier said than done. 

But of course people.  But not only can it be done, once you learn how to seperate what “must be true” for others and what actually is true to you, you will find that you have ultimately learned how to care less about what others think about you.  Then, voila - you’re living your own life… not the carefully constructed one that is generally supposed to appeal to every single person you meet.  You won’t be able to appeal to every single person you meet as marvelous as you may be.  Keeping your karma points in check, be a good person to yourself and to others.  Let the people who like to project their venom work their own kinks out.  Break free from the perceptions of others.  Someone who tells you your stupid can’t literally mark the bar of your own intelligence.  It’s their right to think whatever they want to and it’s your right to disagree - and walk away in those heels with a sassy sashay to match.

Know Your Values - Know Yourself

In order for you to know or be open to understanding what’s right or wrong for you, you need to be secure in your own personal values-  your own beliefs for your very own reasons.  Aside from risking the misfortune of becoming a pod person, there is a great danger in not being able to think for yourself.  That moral compass that you have within you is crafted and shaped by your own values and here to help guide you through your life.  There are plenty of heated debates all around us.  Presidential elections, pro choice vs pro life, religion - you name it.  Where do you fall in all of that?  Does someone who seems smart enough choose the right choices for you?  Does it all fall into the hands of whoever just “seems” better based on flipping a coin?

In order for you to be free, you cannot be captive to the thoughts and thinking process of others.  Sometimes disinterest or controversy can be enough of a reason to look the other way.  But your self interest is THE reason to take a good look at the world around you and figuring out where you fit based on what works for you.

The choices you make are based on those values and beliefs.  If you want to make the best choices for yourself, you have to know what the options are.  It’s that simple. 

Break out of the “You Think For Me” mentality.  Be an active participant in your own decision process - or you may find yourself feeling like you’re running on empty… because you were.

Make No Apologies for Your Standards

So you think your style is the cat’s pajamas?  Enjoy it.  So you feel you should be treated with more respect than you catch yourself accepting as of late?  Nothing wrong with that.  Have your standards - in your work, your relationships, your life.  You need to determine that line of integrity or you’ll accept any bowl of slush presented to you as fine dining.  Not only that, know right now that some people won’t get it.  Maybe it’s very important to you to have apples that are not doused in pesticide whereas your neighbor thinks that’s foolish.  There is no crime in being particular.  ( Here’s a wink for the people in front of a long Starbucks line with their magic list creation of coffee ).    

That’s the thing with standards.  If you want to have a certain quality of friends in your life, a certain quality of conversation, a certain quality of shoe (Manolo anyone?) you need to differentiate the fluff from the good stuff.  I believe in quality over quantity.  I know as a woman that if I were to accept certain behaviors from people, I would constantly recieve the short end of the stick.  How about I let ‘em know from the beginning what isn’t acceptable instead of suffering that grief every time I run into Tom, Dick, and Harry?

Worrying what others will think of you because you demand the best?  Then read the first two sections again.  It’s your life - live them by your standards out loud and on purpose.  Break free from self-inflicted mediocrity.  Who says you have to pretend tofu is a steak?  (Or the other way around - this is your story, not mine.) 

Find the Little Joys for a Big Change

The people who think it’s silly to stop and smell the roses are an unhappy bunch and you ought to keep extra roses around in the event they come around.  Have you any idea how much richer life is in appreciating the little things?  You mean to tell me that the little extra cream in your coffee didn’t make a notable difference or because someone took the time to explain the steps to something, your life didn’t become THAT much easier for one afternoon?  Find and capture the spirit of gratitude and lace it throughout your day.  Steal that small smile as you think to yourself how grateful you are.  Literally think to yourself “I am grateful for…”  I challenge you to try it for one day- see how you feel when your mind is more focused on appreciating the little blessings that maniacally harping on all the great injustices in the world.  I tell you what - there is an endless supply of both the good and the bad.  I guarantee taking a tally of the good is that much better for your mood, for your soul, and for your entire well being.  You want to be free?  Don’t be a prisoner to your own misery.  Appreciate what you have - it will surely give you more than if you didn’t.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.   
                                                                                                             -Melodie Beattie

What Drives You?

Ah - the very big What’s My Purpose In Life question is a great one because if you can find what will drive you, you will not remain stagnant.  You will push, you will grow.   In my opinion, a life with no purpose being realized is the very definition of a personal prison.  It is, after all, a lifeless life.  Your purpose doesn’t need to be a grand scheme of world domination.  Your purpose is what is important to you - and how you will contribute to the world around you with it.  A musician offers an escape for many a CEO.  A mathematician does all that number crunching that people (like me) certainly won’t do but need done anyway.  Ha, even you clever marketers have your roles - my favorite magazines wouldn’t be the same without you!  Whether your contribution is life saving or comic relief, you count in this world and so you need your own little stamp in it.  Touching one life is just as important as touching thousands. 

It is also important for me to say - you are not deficient if you don’t know what it is that drives you yet.  Searching for your purpose can be your thing for now.  Just - don’t give up on the life you have because it isn’t currently the life you want.  You create that by starting off creating your dream.  If you truly can’t start a list of what you DO want because you don’t know, start off a list of what you don’t and work your way to the positive, desirable side of that pros and cons list. 

Break free from the flat line;  Find passion in your purpose and inject it into your conscious existence.  It will save your life.

Photos by:  Bex Shaw

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