Hey there! Welcome to InMyHeels.com! :) If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for stopping by!
We all have the potential to be prisoners, instead of content inhabitants, of our own lives. With the correct combination of certain elements and reactions - we can shackle ourselves into the ways of dissatisfaction. From developing bad habits to becoming victims of our past, we can give up our freedom and divine right to be happy.
But why live that way?
There are enough factors in life that contribute to your personal hardships. With goals come obstacles, with dreams come fears, and roads to success have built in pitfalls just waiting and ready for you.
If you want to claim your freedom, you’re going to have to do the work. You’re going to need to actively take steps towards the direction you want to take instead of mere looking at it longingly. Though these tips are simple, they can be difficult. A lot of that has to do with them going against your currently conditioned state- which is why it’s a great thing that you are capable of rerouting your mindset and producing change.
Do you want to be free of the things that inhibit your happiness?
Here are - in no particular order - five different ways to start breaking free. This is good stuff (scout’s honor) so I suggest you subscribe to InMyHeels.com if you haven’t already so you don’t miss Part 2 as well as other Tips for Life, Love, and of course - You.
Your Past in Your Present and Your Future
The thing with regrets and bad experiences is they have this uncanny affinity for hanging on to you. You may have done something, or maybe feel you should have done something, and that feeling of guilt weighs down on your conscience and your conscious mind. With an unfavorable memory and worse yet, the learned reaction comes good old history repeating itself at different points in your life - ultimately blocking you from the results you want. For instance, you may have experienced horrendous behavior in a bad relationship in the past and once the new boyfriend comes, you are automatically ready to nunchuck him when he steps toward you in animated discussion/argument. In your mind, you are reacting the way you have to- to ultimately defend yourself by any means necessary. For a moment, you forget that New Boyfriend is in actuality a sweetheart who would never do such a thing and he ultimately is human - so of course he moves and speaks in higher decibels. If your continued reaction ends up being the cause your relationship with New Boyfriend ends, your past experiences have affected your present and your future.
It is important to take lessons from the past. Without the ability to learn and apply lessons learned from experience, you would be plagued with newbieness and never learn to avoid the dangers you need to avoid. Sure, playing with fire hurt the first time around. But third time around, the bit of fire was now a roaring flames and now you’re damaged. So yes, it is good to draw knowledge and understand your boundaries from experiences.
BUT (in all caps people) it is ALSO important to learn how to learn from the past but not live in it. You can learn caution from a bad experience. But the extreme would be to live in fear just in case it happens again. That extreme will then influence your choices, your actions, and your life. You become a prisoner. Set yourself free and begin to establish the difference between what was then and what is now. To live in the present is to accept your current situation independent of what has happened before in a different situation. It doesn’t mean ignore what happened. It means take it into consideration not as a blueprint.
Letting go of the past is tough because it is what you already now versus what you don’t know yet. The unknown is married to uncertainty. But if you live in the past, how can you enjoy your present and anticipate your future? Are you holding on to something that is preventing you from your Now? Loosen your grip in order to open a new door.
Fire the Harshest Critic You Know
Perhaps you’ve got this narrator in your mind FULL of commentary. I mean really - anything you do, might do, want to do, would like to think you could do - anything at all is subject to the Critic within you that has a whole lot to say about what you CAN’T do and why. If this Critic is not just part of your pros and cons process (yes, there should be pros in there somewhere), you may need to clean up house and allow The New Voice In Town to take over. The New Voice in Town is the bigger, better you on the inside. It’s the mindset that includes self-love and self confidence into the mix.
Learn to be objective when you are examining yourself. True objectivity isn’t submerged in negativity (unless it’s coming from a jerk - Simon!) It considers the good and the bad. It praises the achievements and the fine points and it suggests ways to improve the poor ones.
A lesson I learned myself (and continue to try to consistently practice) is you aren’t doing yourself any favors by ripping yourself to shreds over something you are unhappy with. Calling yourself unfavorable names won’t make you any thinner. Despising your attributes won’t make you any more lovable. Maximizing your focus on all of your flaws won’t accentuate your goods. And worse yet, once you get that motor (mouth) running, it’ll keep on going. No no - what you need is to free yourself from self-debilitating behavior. You’re negative words and thoughts are your jail. Wouldn’t you rather be outside of that mindset where the pleasures of self-love coax you into the realm of bigger possibilities for yourself? You’re not turning a blind eye from the things you need to change - you are giving yourself the room you need to change them. OUTSIDE of that jail. Get out of there!
Forgiving Yourself
You only have one life to live. In this life, some unfavorable choices may have been made and in your own little way, you may begin to punish yourself by not claiming your right for happiness for said unfavorable choice. This is not only living in the past as stated above, it is essentially masochism. You may not be conscious that you’re doing it either. Perhaps you allow people to treat you a certain way because you did something wrong once. Perhaps you allow opportunities to pass you by because you do not feel deserving. This self-sentencing is destructive to your self esteem and your quality of life. The woman you are today may have made some poor choices but those choices do not have to forecast for the rest of your life. Of course, there are consequences to your actions - but you may be exacerbating them in the worst way possible. Here, you are prisoner to self-inflicted suffering and the only way for you to break out of that is to begin to forgive yourself.
This cannot be done superficially. Punching someone in the face and feeling - not justified - but free from guilt of any wrongdoing because you instantly ‘forgive yourself’ is merely denial (and just plain wrong.) The act of self forgiveness requires a cleansing; an acceptance of the actions as well as the consequences AND the conscious decision to not base your future behaviors and the desire to proceed upward with no intentions of repeating a mistake. I have nothing against the feeling to “right a wrong” done in the past - however you are not correcting anything by inflicting pain upon yourself. You are just manifesting your guilt and sadness in a never ending cycle.
Inadequate? I Think Not.
Would you look at a seed and bitterly say “Stupid seed. Look at all the little sproutlings. Their leaves are so green. Look at you. You just lay there being seedy. So WHAT if you get no sun, no soil, and no water? You are a stupid, STUPID seed and I hate you.”
Strong words, eh? Not to mention unnecessary.
The environment that you are in and/or you create for yourself either arm you or hinder you. Either way, how you are currently is the product so far of an accumulation of experiences throughout your lifetime from your environment and from situations as well as your natural tendencies. So for you to enter a room full of well spoken people and feel like a bumbling fool is unfair to yourself. Instead of allowing the feelings of inadequacy stunt your growth, cultivate your talents. Develop your mind by learning more about what you would like to know. Strengthen your resolve by practicing the actions you want to perfect. Grace can be learned. Skills can be learned. If you nurture your mind, you expand your horizons. You aren’t a computer. You cannot simply slip a disk in with the desired traits that you wish for. It is not fair to yourself to simply step back or be passive about something you’d like to know because you don’t feel good enough. If you want to be deserving of an award other brains are hoping for, work just as hard if not more than they do. You cannot possibly skip the “light, soil, and water” you need to grow and then scold yourself for being leafless. Break free - and dive into the tools you need for success.
Better Body Love
For me to skip an opportunity to encourage you to take care of yourself like you would (hopefully) a baby would be unfair. Many of us out there are imprisoned by the limitations poor health presents. You wouldn’t walk in front of a train, yet you fail to take care of the same heart you need for life itself. What does it say when you abhor the idea of suffocation, yet over the years you starve your lungs from the oxygen it needs by smoking and disabling your body to do what it does naturally in increments? You wouldn’t ask someone to lovingly poison you with the promise of certain success glistening in their eyes, yet you would hop aboard the drug train in a party dress and heels- no questions asked?
Come on. As delicious some of these things can feel for the moment, you know I’m right. With time and the accruing faulty actions, you trap yourself in a body that will most likely lose the way (possibly earlier than it needs to) in an unpleasant way. Of course, we are all humans and so we are no invincible. But why compromise your quality of life? What’s wrong with being able to run outside on a sunny day without the inherent and sudden need to collapse? What’s wrong with avoiding seizure-like coughing sessions and the need to gasp for the air you - let’s face it - voluntarily skip out on? And what’s wrong with using measures other than alcohol or drugs to find pleasure or escape? Need the method chosen promise danger to your well-being with time?
The thing is, the habits associated with these examples all have emotions in their roots. A greasy cheeseburger tastes good and so it feels good to eat. We’re not thinking about the following reactions - just the first one. The yumminess.
Maybe we ought to think - prevention over repair. Skip the need for open heart surgery years from now. Take the small measures meant to keep it healthy instead. You don’t have to skip your greasy cheeseburger for the rest of your life. You just have to make sure it’s not your WAY of life. And so what if it has been your way until now?
You can free yourself from the pathway towards the cliff you were headed to and reroute to a much better, happier destination.
Take care of yourself. You are of the utmost importance and your awesomeness cannot fully be experienced in the crippling chokehold poor health decisions place you in.
Part 2 provides the next five ways to set yourself free.
In the meantime,
Lets Talk:
Have you ever gotten in the way of your own happiness? How’d you break free or what would it take to remove yourself from your own prison?
Photos by: whereohwhere and Felipe Morin
