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28AprSelf Fulfilling Prophecies: Getting Your Life Back

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words’ll never hurt me”.

…

I don’t agree with that statement.

If you’re an individual who is pretty efficient and zoning out when people lash out comments meant to break your spirit, you may chant that to your merry heart’s content.

But what if you have heard things that put you down - over and over again? As a person in a toxic relationship, or as a child whose family member made it their business to shred your dreams for breakfast - some lasting damage can really be done.

One may not always think of it that way, however -

If you find yourself doubting your capabilities - and that is your norm;
If you find yourself constantly gravitating to people who continue to chip at your self esteem;
If its your norm to dodge opportunities because negative opinions echo in your mind;

That’s all negative programming and you are functioning with those opinions as your guideline.

Often times you might hear someone say “Be Positive!”

What does that mean when you’ve been programmed with the negative untruths of your past? All you might hear when told “be positive” is “smile and nod ’til this well-meaning person goes away”. All you might feel when told “You are so beautiful; you are awesome; you’re so TALENTED!” is *the sound of crickets*

The worst part is - you don’t WANT to disagree. Really, you don’t.

Not only is it unfair, its unnecessary. But what has been done, is done. The key is - HOW do you change your mindset?

After thinking a certain way for so long - how on earth do you initiate the kind of change that gives you a real handle on the direction your life is going?

Continue reading ‘Self Fulfilling Prophecies: Getting Your Life Back’

in body & image, happiness, life and motivation. 20 Comments

11JanBe Comfortable In Your Own Skin

Picture this.

You leave your home with a confident stride headed to that job interview that made your heart jump the instant you found out about the opportunity it promised. All you have to do is ACE this puppy. That’s all.

*SCENE CHANGE*

You saunter into the waiting room of this establishment and you arrive to the sight of a few other people who are sitting with intent written all over their faces. You know that look. They’re here for your job. (Yes, your job. They just don’t know it yet.) They want it too.

*QUICK ASSESSMENT*

Forget “Don’t judge a book by its cover” right? This is serious business. Who are you up against? Your eyes scan those faces, those appearances, those clothes.

Slouching body? Not enough grace. Next.

Ok, really? He’s not getting this job. Not dressed like that he isn’t. Next again.

Oh no. Is that her resume?! That’s a lot of text! Uh-oh… What if she’s done more than you have? What if she’s better spoken? What if they like her better?

Continue reading ‘Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin’

in body & image and motivation. 3 Comments

12DecLike What You See New Year’s Day

I’m going to go there and say that big Jan. 1 is looming in, bringing with it a ginormous shadow of self expectation.It’s exciting in a gut twisting, “I swear I will keep my New Year’s resolutions” sort of way.

Nice.

But let’s talk about resolving to resolute for a sec. Of course you’re going to quit smoking, lose twenty pounds and become a super efficient wife/sister/daughter/employee/mom/this list goes on. These are all admirable goals, and I’m sure you have plenty more where those came from. But exactly how do you plan to pull this off?

Whatever plan you have in place for your new, not so new venture, there is one thing that is guaranteed to pull the rug from under you before you even get your chance to shine.Not accepting the YOU that you are to begin with.Quite honestly, it will undermine everything that you’re going to try to do and to prove it, I ask you to think about the last time you tried to make a change. It can be the same exact New Year’s resolution you have in mind as you read this. If self loathing were the backbone of the positive change you were looking to make, you wouldn’t have this resolution to begin with. Even if some anger with yourself were to fuel some action, it just won’t be enough to sustain it. This is because the root of your change has to come from your desire to improve your life. The root cannot be the very same despair that you wish to escape. It’s a frustrating cycle if you sit and think about it.And I’m so sure that you’re not looking to ring in the February of your spanking new year ripping your hair out in defeat.So how exactly do you change perspective? Well;

What Are Your Reasons For Wanting Change?

That’s right; you need to identify every nitty gritty private little detail. Write it down and take a good look at your reasons. Somewhere in that list, you ought to see a little something about it making you happy, or it satisfying you. Without that reason in your list, you may have a little problem. Just how long can you sustain a major life change without your own desire being invested in it? That’s right; I am advocating a touch of selfishness. Of course, this life change may benefit a loved one. But you, yourself, should also be a loved one. A loved one that you care to make happy.

Who Are You Now?

Does this change have anything to do with wanting to change who you are as a person? What is it that you’re looking to change then? You need to know your values, your ideals, your buttons, and your abilities.

You have to know you in order to do anything about you. Have you ever told yourself you were going to do something different just about every time you remember? So your best friend is the super organized type and you admire that.
You want to be organized too and so you swear you’ll clean up the garage every time you pass it. It’s not going to happen until you find a way that works for you. In order for you to find what works for you, you need to know yourself enough to say “I don’t do label makers every Sunday but I DO like Ikea’s organizing system thing. Maybe I can..” When you find how to harness your personality, your like’s and dislike’s to your advantage, you will find that you’re in a very good place for YOU. But for that to happen, you do need to get to know yourself- just as you are.

What Are You Expecting?

I remember watching an awesome commercial (I really don’t remember what company it was for). In this commercial, an overweight man starts working out his very hardest I believe on a treadmill, gets off the treadmill, and gets on a scale and looks at it expectantly. I thought that was hilarious because it reminded me of myself. That’s right, I too peruse the world of imagining instant gratification. However, I also know that mind frame just may be setting yourself up for super early frustration. You need to take a look at whatever it is you’re going to work on or change, and be honest with yourself. What is it that you’re expecting? What happens if this expectation doesn’t come to pass as soon as you would hope, or not at all? What does that mean for you? You want to brace yourself for the possibilities so that you might have something to anchor you when you might feel like wavering from your promise to yourself. Bracing yourself for the possibilities does not mean inducing anxiety, or becoming the official worry wart of the New Year. It means going into your venture with a clue and a positive mind. If you truly want it to happen for you, even if there are setbacks, then you’ll really make it happen for you.

Accept Who You Are Now

The person that you are now will still be the person that will be Jan. 2^nd. You will still be in the same skin, walking in your own shoes. Ultimately, regardless of what it is you are about to do, accepting who you are today will help you shape yourself to the optimal you of tomorrow. It isn’t always a simple task for everyone because maybe your wish for change is a desperate one. So look at it this way. You are granting yourself the gift of a better you. The you that you are now deserves to enjoy such a gift because you’re the only you you’ve got!

Whatever your experiences may be, owning your own life and claiming your happiness is something you decide to do. For yourself.

Living this life to the fullest is you living a charmed life of your own standards. So it’s ok to work towards that. Try to work these suggestions into your frame of mind. You ought to have yourself a Happy New Year :-) so get to it!

in happiness and motivation. 0 Comments

08DecHow to Fall in Love With Yourself

Whether you’re dating, married, bacheloretting your life into a single girl’s heaven, there’s a relationship that - if you nurture it - will do wonders for the rest of your life. The relationship with yourself of course. Love yourself.Now, this concept isn’t a new one for many people who read this but if you’re anything like me, implementing it is a whole new ball game. There are many reasons why you may be hard on yourself today. Whether a terrible something-or-the-other happened to you in the past, living in the shadows of disappointment, insecurities… the list is long. But what are the reasons why you should be good to yourself? Do you cater to your own needs the way you would to, say, the love of your life? It feels good, you know. To take a second and commend yourself for something good you did. Or to invest the time you need to give yourself something nice. To be able to forgive yourself for something that you are not so proud of…In order to get to that level of self love, it takes steps. Small ones, but necessary nonetheless.

Make a Conscious Decision to Walk on the “I LOVE ME” Path

This one may seem obvious, as you are scouring this article for answers however it’s easy to overlook this single, very important step. Consciously deciding to be kinder to yourself is a powerful thing. Think about it. If you wanted to be somewhere warm and pretty, you wouldn’t just open your eyes and find yourself on the beaches of Jamaica (and if you can, indeed, teleport like that, PLEASE email me. I need to know you.) You would have to actually acknowledge your desire for a getaway and take the steps you need to make it happen. You’d let your job know, you’d find yourself some awesome tickets, you’d shop for your big floppy hat - you’d be focused on the task at hand because it’s something you decided to do. It’s the same thing with loving yourself. You aren’t going to be at a level of deep… Me Zen.. unless you decided to create the mindset for such a change. You would be deciding to make a conscious effort to treat yourself with the love and respect you wish/expect from others. I say all of this because I know how it is. You’ll hear a friend or loved one telling you about this but it’s in one lovely ear and out the other one if you don’t CHOOSE YOU. And so yes, taking a moment to think of the gains of such a change and deciding to GET those gains by doing what you have to do makes all the difference.

REPHRASE Those Things You Say To Yourself

“I’m a total screw up” —> ”I wasn’t prepared for that test. What was it I did wrong? I need to change my approach”“No one will ever like me because I’m (fill in the blank)” —> “You know, I’ve got great (fill in the blank). Hey, if you’ve got it…”This part isn’t the easiest thing in the world. It’s because we’re so good and so quick to pelt the negativity inwards that you might not catch yourself doing it. So one way to ease yourself into that way of thinking is every morning, or every night, you can get in front of a mirror and take a really good look at yourself. You do this so that you are your own focal point. You look at your reflection and you say to yourself at least one good thing about you. This alone is a very powerful exercise because you’re opening the doors to positive thinking. Soon enough, you can/will graduate to changing the tones of the statements you tell yourself. With some effort, the light that you cast upon your thoughts won’t always be meant to wound your self esteem.

Go Through the Motions

Even if it’s only once a week, doing something for yourself with the sole purpose of making yourself feel special is not only a mood booster, it’s an affirmation. What do you consider special treatment? A special meal? Bubble bath? Know that you deserve good things, regardless of your personal situation. Big or small, the point is to grant yourself a treat. So do something for you.

Personal Growth & Enrichment

I’ve learned that deciding to focus on my personal growth is a gift that keeps on giving. When you do something for someone you love, it’s because you want them to be happy or satisfied. It works the same way solo too. Get to know yourself and the deeper meaning behind your mindset and behavior. You’ll grow an organic content for self that will contribute to your strength and abilities.

Enjoy the benefits that come from Me Time and happy self loving!

in happiness, love and motivation. 11 Comments

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