Comments on: Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/ Tips for Life, Love, You. Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:11:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Anonymous http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-941 Anonymous Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:36:34 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-941 There is one person I use to love... crazy love.. first love stuff.... years ago... probably close to 8 years since I talked to the guy.. We were never more than friends...It was pretty well known that I was in love with him... It was never pushed.. I wasnt confident enough to push the issue... He never did more than say sweet things that kept me hanging on .. stupid stuff like every time I see the moon, im going to think of you ....(after we watched a beautiful full moon rise).. I moved away, we stayed in touch, I visited once, he visited once...we lost touch. All those years ago, I was a different person than I am now. I am engaged now.. I have accomplished things I never thought were possible. Hes probably not the same 19-20 year old kid with the sweet smile, a shoulder just the right height and a witty answer to everything. I know he never really loved me, or even consider me in that way, but I just can not completely let go... For a while after we lost touch, he was my fantasy, and whenever some relationship went sour, I always thought.. J would never do that.. If only he was here.. If only .. if only.. realistically its a bunch of BS because well.. if he was so wonderful we wouldnt have lost touch. But for some reason, I still hang on alittle, every once in a while I type his name into myspace (hes like the only person left in the world that doesnt have a myspace page)... It really irritates me that I cannot erase his name from my head. It makes me feel crazy and obsessive.... All I really want to be able to do is say LOOK AT ME NOW!! Kinda like, yeah I was the crazy girl in love with you that you were kind enough to put up with.. but look how I ended up. I have no desire to have a relationship with the guy... I am happy where I am... It just bugs me that I still have these feelings... It makes me feel nutty...I never talk to anyone about it, because I feel so silly... A few years ago I ran to one of his best friends and managed to not even mention him.... seriously though, how do you shake someone who had you so bad? I mean this wasnt one of those that treated me bad.. he was honestly a nice, caring friend, who didnt want me the way that I wanted him.. I have always thought it would have been easier if he was an asshole. There is one person I use to love… crazy love.. first love stuff…. years ago… probably close to 8 years since I talked to the guy.. We were never more than friends…It was pretty well known that I was in love with him… It was never pushed.. I wasnt confident enough to push the issue… He never did more than say sweet things that kept me hanging on .. stupid stuff like every time I see the moon, im going to think of you ….(after we watched a beautiful full moon rise).. I moved away, we stayed in touch, I visited once, he visited once…we lost touch. All those years ago, I was a different person than I am now. I am engaged now.. I have accomplished things I never thought were possible. Hes probably not the same 19-20 year old kid with the sweet smile, a shoulder just the right height and a witty answer to everything. I know he never really loved me, or even consider me in that way, but I just can not completely let go… For a while after we lost touch, he was my fantasy, and whenever some relationship went sour, I always thought.. J would never do that.. If only he was here.. If only .. if only.. realistically its a bunch of BS because well.. if he was so wonderful we wouldnt have lost touch. But for some reason, I still hang on alittle, every once in a while I type his name into myspace (hes like the only person left in the world that doesnt have a myspace page)… It really irritates me that I cannot erase his name from my head. It makes me feel crazy and obsessive…. All I really want to be able to do is say LOOK AT ME NOW!! Kinda like, yeah I was the crazy girl in love with you that you were kind enough to put up with.. but look how I ended up. I have no desire to have a relationship with the guy… I am happy where I am… It just bugs me that I still have these feelings… It makes me feel nutty…I never talk to anyone about it, because I feel so silly… A few years ago I ran to one of his best friends and managed to not even mention him…. seriously though, how do you shake someone who had you so bad? I mean this wasnt one of those that treated me bad.. he was honestly a nice, caring friend, who didnt want me the way that I wanted him.. I have always thought it would have been easier if he was an asshole.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-939 Anonymous Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:19:37 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-939 Well, I searched for "when someone doesn't love you back" to find some advice. I am been having a difficult time understanding my "grief" over a relationship with this guy I have been seeing for the past two years. Basically, it started off drinks, lunch, dinner, intimate moments, hundreds of calls and texts and now it’s a phone call every couple of weeks or 1 a month sex and that’s it. I "thought" or on some level “think” I was or am love with him. The twisted thoughts, fantasy thoughts that always end up with some fairy tale ending, yeah right, as if. Reality is that if I could have him around full time I probably wouldn't want him. When I met him, I wasn't quite done dealing with the baggage of my previous long term relationships, married for 10 years and then a 5 year relationship that left my marriage for. I was a mess and sorting things out… who am I, what happened. He was exciting, sexually arousing, you name he just did it for me. He was a high, his voice, his manner, what he said, how he acted... erotic, enticing I got hooked line and sinker. He was the shark and I was the mermaid. I was addicted, I couldn’t get enough of him. Great guy, except that he had, has a girlfriend that he lives with. Oh, you would have thought that I would have had enough self-respect to say, "NO", but I didn't. So for the past two years I have driven myself crazy, waiting to hear from him, saying it would be the last time, drinking too much, making a fool of myself, whining and crying over WHAT? Of course he could care less, he has someone else, and of course I probably don't really love him, but wonder why he didn't want me.. as if that even matters. He told me he loves his girlfriend, well, then why was he seeing me all this time... ah, because he could or because I let him... He couldn’t see me if I didn't let him...I told him I feel such anxiety whenever I go to meet him, and I feel so ashamed afterward, and he says, but how do you feel during, “Head trips” I know! The guy has said that he has always had two women, ALWAYS. Why can’t I just enjoy the moments. So I doubt myself that I don’t enjoy the moments and can’t get into any other relationship because I’m sick in the head over this guy. So so stupid, mind you I am smart enough to know that this has not been a relationship, it has been a fricken rollercoaster ride and I have been sick from the beginning. I know what love is… if someone is in love or I am in love with someone, you want to protect the relationship, the person, you don’t do things to destroy it or damage it. You care and want to share in the lives of the person and get to know them. It doesn’t mean you loss you identity or become consumed with someone else. Getting to know them means there is NO FEAR. You can trust and are trustworthy and loyal and there is loyalty. There is mutual respect and compassion, understanding and security, encouragement and self-respect. Knowing this I still settled to see him when he could because I was lonely and not for a lack of other men, just lack of something, maybe familiarity, like I mentioned the baggage of my previous relationships. Anyway, appreciate the article and all the posts of this site. I will continue to be strong, get out there and hold my head up, I will not waste my tears or fall apart. I know what I did was wrong for ME and I need to take care of myself. I have standard, criteria and if I minimize them, or don’t give them value, then I reduce my value. I may have settled and did some things that I am not proud of, but I am valuable and am worth more than just an occasional romp in the sack, or a meal. Well, I searched for “when someone doesn’t love you back” to find some advice. I am been having a difficult time understanding my “grief” over a relationship with this guy I have been seeing for the past two years. Basically, it started off drinks, lunch, dinner, intimate moments, hundreds of calls and texts and now it’s a phone call every couple of weeks or 1 a month sex and that’s it. I “thought” or on some level “think” I was or am love with him. The twisted thoughts, fantasy thoughts that always end up with some fairy tale ending, yeah right, as if. Reality is that if I could have him around full time I probably wouldn’t want him. When I met him, I wasn’t quite done dealing with the baggage of my previous long term relationships, married for 10 years and then a 5 year relationship that left my marriage for. I was a mess and sorting things out… who am I, what happened. He was exciting, sexually arousing, you name he just did it for me. He was a high, his voice, his manner, what he said, how he acted… erotic, enticing I got hooked line and sinker. He was the shark and I was the mermaid. I was addicted, I couldn’t get enough of him. Great guy, except that he had, has a girlfriend that he lives with. Oh, you would have thought that I would have had enough self-respect to say, “NO”, but I didn’t. So for the past two years I have driven myself crazy, waiting to hear from him, saying it would be the last time, drinking too much, making a fool of myself, whining and crying over WHAT? Of course he could care less, he has someone else, and of course I probably don’t really love him, but wonder why he didn’t want me.. as if that even matters. He told me he loves his girlfriend, well, then why was he seeing me all this time… ah, because he could or because I let him… He couldn’t see me if I didn’t let him…I told him I feel such anxiety whenever I go to meet him, and I feel so ashamed afterward, and he says, but how do you feel during, “Head trips” I know! The guy has said that he has always had two women, ALWAYS. Why can’t I just enjoy the moments. So I doubt myself that I don’t enjoy the moments and can’t get into any other relationship because I’m sick in the head over this guy. So so stupid, mind you I am smart enough to know that this has not been a relationship, it has been a fricken rollercoaster ride and I have been sick from the beginning. I know what love is… if someone is in love or I am in love with someone, you want to protect the relationship, the person, you don’t do things to destroy it or damage it. You care and want to share in the lives of the person and get to know them. It doesn’t mean you loss you identity or become consumed with someone else. Getting to know them means there is NO FEAR. You can trust and are trustworthy and loyal and there is loyalty. There is mutual respect and compassion, understanding and security, encouragement and self-respect. Knowing this I still settled to see him when he could because I was lonely and not for a lack of other men, just lack of something, maybe familiarity, like I mentioned the baggage of my previous relationships. Anyway, appreciate the article and all the posts of this site. I will continue to be strong, get out there and hold my head up, I will not waste my tears or fall apart. I know what I did was wrong for ME and I need to take care of myself. I have standard, criteria and if I minimize them, or don’t give them value, then I reduce my value. I may have settled and did some things that I am not proud of, but I am valuable and am worth more than just an occasional romp in the sack, or a meal.

]]> By: tok http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-915 tok Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:12:30 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-915 wow. this is a well put together website. everyone is honest and mature. after scouring the web looking for "broken love" outlets, its good to know that not every site is geared toward teens. this is exactly what i was looking for. its good to know that other people share your experience. although some of us are here looking for answers, the truth is - we (including me) already know the answers to what we're looking for. the problem is: we don't like it. we want to hear something different. we want to hear if we do 'x', then person 'y' will love us like we do them. i'm in love with my best friend. and it hurts. i told her. it still hurts. i know what i need to do....but i just can't..... wow.
this is a well put together website. everyone is honest and mature. after scouring the web looking for “broken love” outlets, its good to know that not every site is geared toward teens.
this is exactly what i was looking for. its good to know that other people share your experience.

although some of us are here looking for answers, the truth is - we (including me) already know the answers to what we’re looking for. the problem is: we don’t like it. we want to hear something different. we want to hear if we do ‘x’, then person ‘y’ will love us like we do them.

i’m in love with my best friend.
and it hurts.
i told her.
it still hurts.

i know what i need to do….but i just can’t…..

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-907 Anonymous Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:33:18 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-907 I know how this feels exactly, I'm in love with my best friend, and he's madly in love with his girlfriend. He lives in California and she lives in Virginia, and this year they're finally getting to meet in real life, He'll be staying with her for a month. I miss him so much, and everytime I think about them together I start uncontrollably crying. I told him how I felt before he left, and he didn't really say anything, because I don't think he wanted me to hurt more than I do. I cry myself to sleep at night wondering if I acted different or dressed different, would he love me and not her. And what kills me is, she trys to make him change, she likes emo guys, so she wants him to start being emo. She has another boyfriend on the side, and he knows this, but he's so in love with her he doesnt care. I love him the way he is, I love his hair, and the fact that he has one blue eye and one green. I love that when I get pissed off, he'll sit there and listen to me bitch for hours. I love the way his voice always sounds like he just woke up. How do I get over him?? I know how this feels exactly, I’m in love with my best friend, and he’s madly in love with his girlfriend. He lives in California and she lives in Virginia, and this year they’re finally getting to meet in real life, He’ll be staying with her for a month. I miss him so much, and everytime I think about them together I start uncontrollably crying. I told him how I felt before he left, and he didn’t really say anything, because I don’t think he wanted me to hurt more than I do. I cry myself to sleep at night wondering if I acted different or dressed different, would he love me and not her. And what kills me is, she trys to make him change, she likes emo guys, so she wants him to start being emo. She has another boyfriend on the side, and he knows this, but he’s so in love with her he doesnt care. I love him the way he is, I love his hair, and the fact that he has one blue eye and one green. I love that when I get pissed off, he’ll sit there and listen to me bitch for hours. I love the way his voice always sounds like he just woke up.

How do I get over him??

]]> By: Lysslyss http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-864 Lysslyss Mon, 23 Jun 2008 02:43:02 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-864 I can totally relate to the rejection and pain that one feels from loving someone who does not love you back. It does hurt like hell!!!! It is so hard because by my ex I'm labeled as crazy and needing help. We have 3 girls together and I guess what I have wanted more than anything else was to have a family.He on the other hand does not feel the same way and has told me there is no chance of that. It is so hard because I can't just write him off because of the girls and when I see him or hear of him with other women it just makes me sick to my stomach. How do I stop caring?!?!? I know I need to and I want to but my heart feels differently. I just feel so confused and hurt because I know he will never love me the way that i love him I can totally relate to the rejection and pain that one feels from loving someone who does not love you back. It does hurt like hell!!!! It is so hard because by my ex I’m labeled as crazy and needing help. We have 3 girls together and I guess what I have wanted more than anything else was to have a family.He on the other hand does not feel the same way and has told me there is no chance of that. It is so hard because I can’t just write him off because of the girls and when I see him or hear of him with other women it just makes me sick to my stomach. How do I stop caring?!?!? I know I need to and I want to but my heart feels differently. I just feel so confused and hurt because I know he will never love me the way that i love him

]]> By: b http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-852 b Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:42:12 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-852 I love someone who doesn't love me anymore. She loved me very intensely for awhile but over the years I guess it has faded. She tells me she loves me but she keeps me at arm's length. It's been almost 8 years I've known her and we were together for 4, but over the last 4 years she has just strung me along. I've not been with anyone else the whole time. I keep waiting hoping she will come around, but I know it will never happen. I guess she is dating people but not telling me about it. I wanted to marry her and start a family. Recently I was informed that I have a pretty bad disease. I haven't told her yet but I know she doesn't love me enough to stick it out with me anyway. I'm just going to have to fade away from her and let her move on with her life. I thought about telling her and asking her to save me from the horrible lonely life I am going to lead, but today I decided it's better for her if I just ride off into the sunset quietly so at least one of us is happy, because I do love her very much. It's ripped me up inside for years, and the bad part about my whole situation is, it's only going to get worse. I love someone who doesn’t love me anymore. She loved me very intensely for awhile but over the years I guess it has faded. She tells me she loves me but she keeps me at arm’s length. It’s been almost 8 years I’ve known her and we were together for 4, but over the last 4 years she has just strung me along. I’ve not been with anyone else the whole time. I keep waiting hoping she will come around, but I know it will never happen. I guess she is dating people but not telling me about it. I wanted to marry her and start a family. Recently I was informed that I have a pretty bad disease. I haven’t told her yet but I know she doesn’t love me enough to stick it out with me anyway. I’m just going to have to fade away from her and let her move on with her life. I thought about telling her and asking her to save me from the horrible lonely life I am going to lead, but today I decided it’s better for her if I just ride off into the sunset quietly so at least one of us is happy, because I do love her very much. It’s ripped me up inside for years, and the bad part about my whole situation is, it’s only going to get worse.

]]> By: vanislander http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-524 vanislander Sun, 27 Apr 2008 04:04:47 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-524 Well, I am in a situation now. She is a former friends former girlfriend. I have known her for 13 years. She has had an on-off relationship with another man the past few years. She is much younger than both him and I. I barely know him but from what she has said, he has dumped her and picked her back up again a few times. It seems to be a destructive pattern. I think she may be obsessed somewhat. So, recently I have let her know what it is I feel for her. She responded back very positively and it was a good feeling. Basically she said she wants nothing more than friendship (I think because all her ex-boyfriends friends hit on her and it turned her off) and I respect and accept that. She stated that she was sure our friendship is going to be a life-long experience and that she wants it to become stronger. So here I am, celibate for almost 24 years of my (non)fucking life and am a lonely person generally. Sex would be nice, but if it is not to be then that is all good. I really do enjoy female company and her and I have a definite bond. It seems though that she has distanced herself somewhat and I can tell that something is now different. She has said that she likes hanging out with me because of a complete lack of sexual tension, but it is becoming more obvious that she does feel tension. So I am not wanting her to leave because of that issue, I would much rather have a real friend and confidante that I can share my real feelings with than just a sexual partner. If I just wanted to get laid or have an orgasm there are plenty of alternatives to achieve it. I definitely love her and want her in my life for the rest of it. I just want her to be happy, I am used to being alone, but having her around really makes my day go way better and I feel positive and more alive when she is with me. I am somewhat confused but not without a grip on reality. Well, I am in a situation now. She is a former friends former girlfriend. I have known her for 13 years. She has had an on-off relationship with another man the past few years. She is much younger than both him and I. I barely know him but from what she has said, he has dumped her and picked her back up again a few times. It seems to be a destructive pattern. I think she may be obsessed somewhat. So, recently I have let her know what it is I feel for her. She responded back very positively and it was a good feeling. Basically she said she wants nothing more than friendship (I think because all her ex-boyfriends friends hit on her and it turned her off) and I respect and accept that. She stated that she was sure our friendship is going to be a life-long experience and that she wants it to become stronger. So here I am, celibate for almost 24 years of my (non)fucking life and am a lonely person generally. Sex would be nice, but if it is not to be then that is all good. I really do enjoy female company and her and I have a definite bond. It seems though that she has distanced herself somewhat and I can tell that something is now different. She has said that she likes hanging out with me because of a complete lack of sexual tension, but it is becoming more obvious that she does feel tension. So I am not wanting her to leave because of that issue, I would much rather have a real friend and confidante that I can share my real feelings with than just a sexual partner. If I just wanted to get laid or have an orgasm there are plenty of alternatives to achieve it. I definitely love her and want her in my life for the rest of it. I just want her to be happy, I am used to being alone, but having her around really makes my day go way better and I feel positive and more alive when she is with me. I am somewhat confused but not without a grip on reality.

]]> By: anonymous http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-508 anonymous Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:35:18 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-508 what if you never changed yourself, never acted differently and eventually that person DID show some affection for you, but only for a short time...aka a few nights of what they eventually called "fun." This person is in a very long relationship and cheated and went back to him and left me feeling more empty and dejected than before. I know I had her, I did not change anything about me...things seemed to be working out...and then she uses the excuse that she loves him still and that it wouldnt be fair to him to just leave him so quickly for someone she has known for a longer amount of time as a friend, but only for a few months as more than just a best friend. How do you cope with getting what you want from someone whom you "loved" so much and then having that torn away from you. I worry that I don't have the personal strength to just leave our friendship because it would hurt her so much; therefore causing me anguish in knowing I caused her pain. The situation is both unfair to me and unfair to her boyfriend, yet he goes along unbeknownst to the entire little affair and lives happily thinking everything is amazing. I, on the other hand, go through the daily torture of having my best friend and "lover" with me everyday. She sees him once a week or so and I am by her side everyday...more because she wants me there than me "following" her around. ....What do I do? what if you never changed yourself, never acted differently and eventually that person DID show some affection for you, but only for a short time…aka a few nights of what they eventually called “fun.” This person is in a very long relationship and cheated and went back to him and left me feeling more empty and dejected than before. I know I had her, I did not change anything about me…things seemed to be working out…and then she uses the excuse that she loves him still and that it wouldnt be fair to him to just leave him so quickly for someone she has known for a longer amount of time as a friend, but only for a few months as more than just a best friend. How do you cope with getting what you want from someone whom you “loved” so much and then having that torn away from you. I worry that I don’t have the personal strength to just leave our friendship because it would hurt her so much; therefore causing me anguish in knowing I caused her pain. The situation is both unfair to me and unfair to her boyfriend, yet he goes along unbeknownst to the entire little affair and lives happily thinking everything is amazing. I, on the other hand, go through the daily torture of having my best friend and “lover” with me everyday. She sees him once a week or so and I am by her side everyday…more because she wants me there than me “following” her around. ….What do I do?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-470 Anonymous Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:17:19 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-470 first of all, reading all of these post and everyone's situation and pain as well as the article give me confidence that i am not alone...my story is that, i fell in love for the first time 8yrs ago at the age of 20. We stayed together for 8yrs and it was good. We got engaged and was suppose to be married but i found out that the person i thought i knew had been lieing, betraying, cheating and never really loved me although he said the words and acted as a perfect man. I was told many times by friends and family and even caught him few times but i loved him so much that i ignored it and hurt myself but protected him. For my family and everyone that knew us he was perfect, but deep down i was never really happy with him. I stayed because i did not want to disrespect or disappoint my family for they are very traditional. I give up so much and give so much to him, i basically give him a life...and after everything was accomplish for him he left. i feel so used and betrayed. it's been 6months and i just found out that he has moved on and is in love. he hurt me so bad. i still think of him all the time, i still miss him and i'm still in love with him. What do I do? first of all, reading all of these post and everyone’s situation and pain as well as the article give me confidence that i am not alone…my story is that, i fell in love for the first time 8yrs ago at the age of 20. We stayed together for 8yrs and it was good. We got engaged and was suppose to be married but i found out that the person i thought i knew had been lieing, betraying, cheating and never really loved me although he said the words and acted as a perfect man. I was told many times by friends and family and even caught him few times but i loved him so much that i ignored it and hurt myself but protected him. For my family and everyone that knew us he was perfect, but deep down i was never really happy with him. I stayed because i did not want to disrespect or disappoint my family for they are very traditional. I give up so much and give so much to him, i basically give him a life…and after everything was accomplish for him he left. i feel so used and betrayed. it’s been 6months and i just found out that he has moved on and is in love. he hurt me so bad. i still think of him all the time, i still miss him and i’m still in love with him. What do I do?

]]> By: Tips for Life, Love, You. | Survival of a Broken Heart: A How-To Guide at InMyHeels.com http://www.inmyheels.com/loving-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back/#comment-385 Tips for Life, Love, You. | Survival of a Broken Heart: A How-To Guide at InMyHeels.com Thu, 03 Apr 2008 05:59:10 +0000 http://inmyheels.com/?p=7#comment-385 [...] going to suggest something I mentioned in the piece Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back;  Acceptance plays a major role in your recovery from a break up.  When I speak of acceptance, I [...] [...] going to suggest something I mentioned in the piece Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back;  Acceptance plays a major role in your recovery from a break up.  When I speak of acceptance, I [...]

]]>