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I am the fortunate recipient of 6 free sessions with life coach Tim Brownson, author of the book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: There Are No Stupid Questions which was covered here. Prior to reading Tim’s book and speaking to him, I didn’t know what a life coach did exactly. My point of reference was an episode of the scandalous hit TV Series Nip/Tuck where Ava, the life coach, wrecked more havoc than help create peace of mind!
To kick off the exciting new InMyHeels Series - Life Coach, I want to share with you discoveries found during my first experience with a real life coach. Perhaps it will lend you more insight into what it is they do and how they can help you.
Exposed
Isn’t it funny how, when speaking to someone who is going to help you sort your life out, we lay it all out there? Things that someone couldn’t pay you to utter confessions to tend to come out fresh after signing the official forms (medical clearance, confidentiality, etc.) Well, maybe not everyone but I certainly did. Call it word vomit if you will but I spilled the beans on the many matters that clutter my mind with no mercy. As pumped up with positivity as I am, I have my struggles from my past that I feel prevent me from pushing forward.
Here’s where life coach Tim caught me off guard. The man had a system. Somehow, he managed to get a frighteningly accurate snapshot of my life in one hour. With direct questions that managed to make me squirm (didn’t know THAT was coming up), he was able to pinpoint my biggest issues with stunning accuracy. Stunning to me because, like just about everyone else, I was convinced I was the sole existing being on the planet with the issues/fears that I had (and how dare I!). Talk about exposed!
It was an incorrect assumption of mine that this would be a neat how-do-you-do. A walk in the park where Tim would explain to me exactly how to make my life awesome and I would follow his instructions into personal development stardom. Wrong. Life is messy. Habits tend to stick. Learning how to change the things you want to change doesn’t come in the form of easy how-to’s sticky-taped over the matters at hand. It requires a commitment to honesty with yourself and your coach. It requires understanding that time is your best tool - no one can fix bad habits with a simple scolding and most importantly, as a Life Coach - Tim certainly wasn’t going to try to. He informed me that isn’t how he worked. Rather, he was going to get ME to do the work of finding out what was right for ME by questioning me into realization.
Oops. Surprise!
Questions for Answers
How does someone successfully question you into realizing things about yourself that you’ve undoubtedly lived with your entire life?
It’s a game of perspective and a truly powerful, life changing one. I easily understood the value of a life coach’s role when he asked me questions like “What would it take to take your satisfaction with your diet (on a scale of 1-10) to a 10″. I couldn’t answer him and here’s why. It never occurred to me that certain experiences in my life, for instance my new eating habits, could ever be something I could be happy with.
Isn’t suffering through certain things (like eating if you’re trying to be cute) a fact of life?
Since when? Why does it have to be?
It dawned upon me that I was accepting levels of certain dissatisfaction as my norm. No wonder being happy would be an event and the drag of unhappiness or certain levels of aggravation would be the norm. The worst thing would be I scour and save life improving tips on a daily basis. I thought to myself “Shouldn’t I have known this?”
I guess it’s just different when you truly understand. Two points for Tim.
The Difference Between a Life Coach and a Therapist
Aside from the fact that life coaches have certain liberties that your therapist may not have, he is focused on helping you move forward with your life by pointing out things you may or may not know - and more importantly actually implement them into your life. It’s more than knowing you have bad habits - its helping you utilize new ways of thinking from now on to develop NEW and better habits.
A therapist cares about the same issues but often times helps you in terms of your past. The dynamic is very different - and I speak from first person experience. I have found a profound value in both approaches.
Your life coach will want to know about your past but spends more of his time pointing you to the right direction. He’s like the “What Now” guy. In fact, I noticed that Tim was careful about not working on things my therapist tends to. This works wonders since they won’t be able to clash on professional opinions.
When working with Tim, I got off the phone feeling like less of a victim of my circumstances and more of a woman with work to do. It’s so easy to get stuck in between what life is and all the stuff you hear you’re supposed to do. How do you move forward after something bad happens to you? How do you move forward when NOTHING happens to you - and that just so happens to be the problem? Well - a life coach helps you get unstuck.
It’s refreshing to speak to someone on your team (ha! The Coach! Didn’t see that coming!) that’s focused on helping you see a brighter future by tackling today - one day at a time.
This Is Based On YOUR Values
Another reason a life coach isn’t going to hand you a road map to your new life is because if this is truly YOUR new life, certain critical factors play as the compass that help you both discover which route is best for you. Your values need to be discovered (most likely you know them, you just don’t think about them) and they are brought to the forefront of your consciousness. What really matters to you? How is your life formed right now in respect to those values? If family is in your top ten yet you haven’t spoken to them within the past 3 months…
I write this in anticipation of my next session with Tim since, for homework, he had me think about my values. Merely taking part of this exercise has thrown me into certain sessions of deep thought. I’ll admit my fascination with working one on one with a life coach. InMyHeels.com is a testament to my dedication to my best life (and helping others discover theirs).
Do tell - what do you think a Life Coach does?
How do you think one can one help you?
To reach Tim Brownson for his coaching services (30 minutes free at that!) click here or check out his blog A Daring Adventure for some of the goods available to us on the web.
Stay tuned to Life Coach - The Series by subscribing to InMyHeels.com!
Photo by: noflickr
“When working with Tim, I got off the phone feeling like less of a victim of my circumstances and more of a woman with work to do.”
That sounds like a great outlook on things.
I have to say that I’m not surprised at all that Tim is good. I could tell he is by reading his ebook and his book.
Vereds last blog post..When Two Bloggers Write an Almost-Identical Post
Hi Jemi - Tim is a great guy isn’t he. And I love his blog but I wasn’t absolutley sure what a life coach did. You’ve explained it really well and I think it’s something I might benefit from in the future.
Cath Lawsons last blog post..From PTSD To Success - Is It Possible?
very helpful.
I need to check out his ebook.
MizFit
MizFits last blog post..Monday Facetime (why yes, my hair IS still wet from the shower. that’s the way I roll.)
Hi JEMi,
Nice write up of your coaching experiences.
In answer to your question, “What do you think a life coach does?” my answer is:
If they are good, very little. The word coach is all the clue you need. In sports, who plays the game, the coach or the players? The players, of course. And same is true of a life coach. They guide, they direct, they inquire, they assist, they help with strategy, etc. But they don’t DO the game (life). You do. And it is pretty obvious that Tim knows that. He strikes me as one of the good ones.
Those are my less than humble thoughts on the subject. And, yes, I am a life coach, too.
I’ve just started Tim’s book (thanks to you!) and love the way he presents deep (and sometimes hard) truths in such a light and approachable manner. Bet he’s a fantastic life coach. Good luck, and we’ll be interested in hearing more about your progress!
Two Wishess last blog post..Cohabiting Challenges … Birthday Edition
Seems like a big awakening! I wish you all the best!
Christinas last blog post..Conviction - Quote from Gandhi
thanks for the comment on my site
your website is fantastic. i’m bookmarking it as we speak.
jesss last blog post..new theme: 21
I have to admit, I always thought it was when you’re having problems that you work with a life coach. You’ve got me rethinking this, JEMi. If a life coach can help you go from eh to pretty good, if you’re starting at pretty good, is there still room for a life coach to create significant improvement. I’m very interested in the rest of this series!
Oops–totally left the anonymous comment by mistake. (Slaps forehead.) Perhaps I should rethink my immediate need of a life coach and bump up the priority…
Saras last blog post..Simplify Your Cleaning Routine
Sounds like a great experience. I think a life coach helps you to fine tune what you want out of life. He has you look at you dreams and passions and helps you devise a plan to get there. He stretches you so you’ll kick the road blocks out of your way, go for it, and live fully alive!
Hi JEMi,
First off, I’m surprised you feel you need a life coach. From your writings, for a girl your age, you’re well ahead of the pack.
Secondly, it’s apparent life coaches make us think. Often that’s an activity we avoid as we’re always trying to keep ourselves so busy that we don’t make the time to think about what’s really important in our lives. By not thinking, we avoid having to take responsibility.
This series sounds like it will be fascinating. I look forward to part 2.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..NBOTW Needs No Introduction
I think it’s great you are seeing a life coach.
I believe having a person see our life from a different perspective helps us see things that might go overlooked.
I go to therapy and I love my guy, he’s more of the cognitive variety–which means, he talks back! LOVE IT.
Anyway, I believe life coaches focus more on the present and where you can go. I think that’s a great thing!
Hi Jemi: You know how when you’re driving there’s always a blind spot where you can’t see if another car is there? I’ve read that we all have a blind spot in our own lives where someone else can point out thinking habits, beliefs, and mindsets that are holding us back but that we can’t really see ourselves. It sounds like a life coach could really be a big help with that. I’ve actually toyed with the idea of hiring a life coach, now I’m going to have to give it some more serious thought. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us.
Marelisas last blog post..Decide What You Want
@ Vered: Oh yeah - Tim is very good
I look forward to working with him some more. I feel lucky to have the opportunity to work with him free of charge!
@ Cath: Hello! I would def. recommend trying the life coaching thing out. It’s an eye opening experience
@ Tom: I didn’t know that you were a life coach! Aha! Thank you for the definition you shared - the more clarity on the topic, the better. It’s interesting to see how many of us know so little about the profession.
@ Two Wishes: I’m really glad that you’re enjoying the book. I did too - you might smile at all the highlighting I’ve done in it.
@ Sara: LOL it’s ok! I think a life coach is excellent for the “eh to good” situation. I have a problem with being at “eh” for too long. I want to live life to the fullest and I know I can afford to learn how to grasp some new tools for my self improvement. *smile*
@ Barbara: Hey Barb! When Tim offered free sessions, I jumped at the opportunity. I feel like I can def. afford to learn more. Thank you for your compliments - yes I’m pretty young however I sense there is a lot out there available to me if my eyes are open and I learn to accept my Self. And so I am reaping the benefits of life coaching with all I’ve got lol!
And I agree with you - coaches DO make us think! Part 2 coming soon!
@ Cynthia: Hey girl! I agree with your def. of life coaching (btw its awesome that you’re working with someone who gives you feedback.)
@ Marelisa: Thank you for sharing that. I read your words and thought “hmm… that makes a lot of sense!”
I think you might enjoy time with a good life coach. When you’re looking for some real insight about yourself, its really refreshing to speak to a skilled individual who shines a nice big mirror and helps you see that Blind Spot.
I was actually going to keep out of this thread because I kind of felt awkward commenting, but Barbara said something that intrigued me and I felt I had to respond to.
“First off, I’m surprised you feel you need a life coach.”
Who doesn’t?
I actually don’t have my own coach currently but that’s for a number of reasons and none of them are the belief that I don’t need a coach. I have used a coach for 2 of the last 3 years. To quote Wayne Dyer
“You don’t have to be ill to get better”
Tiger Woods has a coach and he’s quite good.
Many, many top performers in our society across all industries employ coaches, it’s just not that well known.
In an ideal life I think everybody should have a coach because even a 1% improvement in our outlook and quality of life is with having.
Sorry, that’s meant to be an advertisement for life coaching per se and not a crass attempt to drum up new clients….honest.
Tim Brownsons last blog post..The Reality of Reality
So what are the differences between a life coach and a therapist? I’m drawing from the only exposure I’ve had to life coaches-the Simpsons episode in which Homer gets a life coach but has disastrous results but falls in place at the end. I am staying tune to what happens next..see you aroung JeMi!
Interesting post. might go check out Tim’s blog. Personally I saw Life coaches as military sergeants that are there to kick you in the right direction, Okay! I would personally want my life coach to do that. And like Tom said if they are doing their job right, you do all the work not them, LOVELY.
Tondys last blog post..Samara Chiedza Ndoro is ONE!
@Lucky Cham The difference is the direction you look. A therapist helps you look at your past to heal the hurts. A life coach helps you look at your future so you can see the way to get there.
Hi Jemi! Thank you for posting your experiences with Tim, I was looking forward to how it would go ever since Tim announced you were the lucky experiment…er winner ^_^
Looking forward to hear more of your experiences with Tim
RJs last blog post..1,2,3…Ubuntu!
JEMi -
An awesome post. I like this statement, “It was an incorrect assumption of mine that this would be a neat how-do-you-do. A walk in the park where Tim would explain to me exactly how to make my life awesome and I would follow his instructions into personal development stardom. Wrong. Life is messy. Habits tend to stick.” Beautifully said. I agree that Tim is the man when it comes to life coaching.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..An Interview with Tina Su of Think Simple Now
What a wonderful post! And I love the perspective that’s coming up here in the comments … we could all use assistance in creating the life we want! I’m with Tim on this … who doesn’t need a life coach?
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea Hess | Empowered Souls last blog post..Intuition, Intention and Decision-Making
omg I love this website! I have been thinking about this life coach stuff and your experience has convinced me that I can probably really use one. I can’t wait to see what else you have to share JEMi!!!
Amazing, this is something which has fascinated me in past too.
Got a feeling that I will read a lot more on the topics in near future …
Nathalie Lussiers last blog post..Create a Mastermind Group to Skyrocket Your Success
My life coach has been one of the best things going for me. She does not hold back in telling me what she thinks where others might sugar coat their thoughts and ideas.
It dawned upon me that I was accepting levels of certain dissatisfaction as my norm. Sounds like me.
I’m sure a life coach can help me move into a direction I would prefer to be in, job wise/life wise. I don’t need to be sitting where I am today, I’m so much more talented in other areas. Sometimes we know what to do, we just need a little push and guidance.
I’ll check out the book first. Thanks JEMi
Naturals last blog post..Houston, We May Still Have A Problem?
Wow Jemi, what an articulate description of Life Coaching and acknowledgement of Tim! I can’t wait to see what happens in future sessions! Best of luck!
Melindas last blog post..What a Life Coach Can Do for You
very informative article.. life coaching can really make a difference..
Synergy between coach and client is key. It’s clear from your comments that you and Tim have an easily communicated mutual trust. I’m a coach and I also use coaches, often. Why? For me using a coach cuts through all my self-bull. I’m too good at tricking myself into believing I’m giving it all I have. With a coach in my corner all of my excuses become evident so they can dissipate.
I also find coaching to be an excellent project accelerator. Coaching improves focus and accountability and thus we often complete sooner with a coach than without one.
I’m looking forward to reading about the results of your upcoming sessions.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Works last blog post..What’s Good About Being Challenged?