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I am the fortunate recipient of 6 free sessions with life coach Tim Brownson, author of the book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: There Are No Stupid Questions which was covered here. Prior to reading Tim’s book and speaking to him, I didn’t know what a life coach did exactly. My point of reference was an episode of the scandalous hit TV Series Nip/Tuck where Ava, the life coach, wrecked more havoc than help create peace of mind!
To kick off the exciting new InMyHeels Series - Life Coach, I want to share with you discoveries found during my first experience with a real life coach. Perhaps it will lend you more insight into what it is they do and how they can help you.
Exposed
Isn’t it funny how, when speaking to someone who is going to help you sort your life out, we lay it all out there? Things that someone couldn’t pay you to utter confessions to tend to come out fresh after signing the official forms (medical clearance, confidentiality, etc.) Well, maybe not everyone but I certainly did. Call it word vomit if you will but I spilled the beans on the many matters that clutter my mind with no mercy. As pumped up with positivity as I am, I have my struggles from my past that I feel prevent me from pushing forward.
Here’s where life coach Tim caught me off guard. The man had a system. Somehow, he managed to get a frighteningly accurate snapshot of my life in one hour. With direct questions that managed to make me squirm (didn’t know THAT was coming up), he was able to pinpoint my biggest issues with stunning accuracy. Stunning to me because, like just about everyone else, I was convinced I was the sole existing being on the planet with the issues/fears that I had (and how dare I!). Talk about exposed!
It was an incorrect assumption of mine that this would be a neat how-do-you-do. A walk in the park where Tim would explain to me exactly how to make my life awesome and I would follow his instructions into personal development stardom. Wrong. Life is messy. Habits tend to stick. Learning how to change the things you want to change doesn’t come in the form of easy how-to’s sticky-taped over the matters at hand. It requires a commitment to honesty with yourself and your coach. It requires understanding that time is your best tool - no one can fix bad habits with a simple scolding and most importantly, as a Life Coach - Tim certainly wasn’t going to try to. He informed me that isn’t how he worked. Rather, he was going to get ME to do the work of finding out what was right for ME by questioning me into realization.
Oops. Surprise!
Questions for Answers
How does someone successfully question you into realizing things about yourself that you’ve undoubtedly lived with your entire life?
It’s a game of perspective and a truly powerful, life changing one. I easily understood the value of a life coach’s role when he asked me questions like “What would it take to take your satisfaction with your diet (on a scale of 1-10) to a 10″. I couldn’t answer him and here’s why. It never occurred to me that certain experiences in my life, for instance my new eating habits, could ever be something I could be happy with.
Isn’t suffering through certain things (like eating if you’re trying to be cute) a fact of life?
Since when? Why does it have to be?
It dawned upon me that I was accepting levels of certain dissatisfaction as my norm. No wonder being happy would be an event and the drag of unhappiness or certain levels of aggravation would be the norm. The worst thing would be I scour and save life improving tips on a daily basis. I thought to myself “Shouldn’t I have known this?”
I guess it’s just different when you truly understand. Two points for Tim.
The Difference Between a Life Coach and a Therapist
Aside from the fact that life coaches have certain liberties that your therapist may not have, he is focused on helping you move forward with your life by pointing out things you may or may not know - and more importantly actually implement them into your life. It’s more than knowing you have bad habits - its helping you utilize new ways of thinking from now on to develop NEW and better habits.
A therapist cares about the same issues but often times helps you in terms of your past. The dynamic is very different - and I speak from first person experience. I have found a profound value in both approaches.
Your life coach will want to know about your past but spends more of his time pointing you to the right direction. He’s like the “What Now” guy. In fact, I noticed that Tim was careful about not working on things my therapist tends to. This works wonders since they won’t be able to clash on professional opinions.
When working with Tim, I got off the phone feeling like less of a victim of my circumstances and more of a woman with work to do. It’s so easy to get stuck in between what life is and all the stuff you hear you’re supposed to do. How do you move forward after something bad happens to you? How do you move forward when NOTHING happens to you - and that just so happens to be the problem? Well - a life coach helps you get unstuck.
It’s refreshing to speak to someone on your team (ha! The Coach! Didn’t see that coming!) that’s focused on helping you see a brighter future by tackling today - one day at a time.
This Is Based On YOUR Values
Another reason a life coach isn’t going to hand you a road map to your new life is because if this is truly YOUR new life, certain critical factors play as the compass that help you both discover which route is best for you. Your values need to be discovered (most likely you know them, you just don’t think about them) and they are brought to the forefront of your consciousness. What really matters to you? How is your life formed right now in respect to those values? If family is in your top ten yet you haven’t spoken to them within the past 3 months…
I write this in anticipation of my next session with Tim since, for homework, he had me think about my values. Merely taking part of this exercise has thrown me into certain sessions of deep thought. I’ll admit my fascination with working one on one with a life coach. InMyHeels.com is a testament to my dedication to my best life (and helping others discover theirs).
Do tell - what do you think a Life Coach does?
How do you think one can one help you?
To reach Tim Brownson for his coaching services (30 minutes free at that!) click here or check out his blog A Daring Adventure for some of the goods available to us on the web.
Stay tuned to Life Coach - The Series by subscribing to InMyHeels.com!
Photo by: noflickr
