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As I bring the very special Life Coach series to a close, I wanted to bring to you some tools/suggestions Tim provided me with to use on my own. Talking to Tim was like putting glasses on. Things were so clear!
Of course, using them on my own has been a great help to me and Tim’s just an email away 
So without further ado, here are some things that really helped me and I highly recommend you try out for yourself. And who knows, maybe you might want to give him a call.
It’s All In the Way You Look At It
I knew I was catching on with my new way of thinking today on my way from the supermarket. All it took was a glance at my grocery bill to begin thinking “And there goes another chunk of my life savings..what else do I need to pay for? Aw great” and so forth. As I got into my car I realized I was tense, teeth clenched, and upset. Why?
I realized that it was all in the way I looked at it. The positive spin to the very same event was that I had all the healthy foods I needed on hand (AND some spiffy food savers!) to continue moving forward towards my goal to be fit. I instantly felt better. I kid you not.
Tim told me that taking a negative thought and placing a positive connotation to it instead was called reframing. You might think its all mind games. Well good. As long as you decide to play, you’ll find yourself feeling better and much more capable of dealing with the situation at hand as opposed to being trapped in the grips of negativity.
What is the positive spin to the thought that’s eating you right now?
Often times you may realize that the assault on your blood pressure isn’t even necessary.
In my personal experience, it took some paying attention to pull this off. I would forget about reframing while I was upset. But the more I did it, the quicker I would recall the advantages of reframing and give it a shot. Negative thoughts are quick to come. For many of us, they are on automatic and so reframing requires a higher level of consciousness. You’ll be paying more attention to your moods and your thoughts which, inadverdently, makes you more self aware - which takes me to the next tool.
Pay Attention
Tim would often suggest that I take a step back and observe my feelings. How does one do that?
When I thought about it, here’s what I would do when I wasn’t paying attention to my thoughts. I’d get anxious about something because the results were not within my control. The longer I had to wait, the more upset I would get. THEN I would get upset at myself for allowing something out of my control upset me. It wasn’t a lovely cycle.
Taking a step back meant that I notice that I’m anxious and allow that feeling to just be. Doing that meant I couldn’t attack myself with another barrocade of negative thoughts because I wasn’t forcing myself to be upset (or happy). No judging. No attempt at change. Just awareness.
Who woulda thunk it?
Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Days
Its the perfect excuse to revel in your own misery. Bad incidents that happen - from stubbing your toe, to running late, to ripping your skirt and breaking a heel. You might not even notice that you’re lengthening your agony long after the day is over because you’re upset about what happened before.
When we talked about the small misfortunes that can reroute the tone of your day, Tim’s response was “What can I learn from this?”
I was taken aback at first. What can I learn from someone nearly running me over as I cross the street? That wasn’t my fault!
Sure it isn’t but it can’t hurt me to answer the question with a smart ” Next time, look both ways”
Since your subjective experience all originates from your thoughts and perception, you can conspire to have a good day or a bad one. And of course, since many things are not within your control, acceptance is paramount to your peace of mind. For the things you CAN influence, learning from your mistakes is much more empowering than it feels when you make them
The Value of Your Values
When Tim asked me what my values were, I didn’t know what to tell him at first. Values? I suppose I know them. I don’t really think about them - I love my family, education’s important, I love love and so forth. But for another eye opening experience, Tim administered this a comprehensive little quiz of sorts. With the guidance of the questions, I was able to see things that were really important to me. I operate intuitively with my values in place but I never payed attention to it before.
Funny enough, Tim pointed out that the further away someone operated from their values (for instance, their career), the more unhappy they were. What’s happening is a conflict of values has come forth and until it is resolved, you’ll experience discomfort. If your job requires you to do something you don’t believe in, or a new prospect observes a very different religion/belief than you do - your happiness or unhappiness with the situation has a lot to do with your values and what you hold dear to your heart. In other words, taking stock in what really matters to you is important for the sake of your contentment.
Tim speaks in depth about this in his very valuable e-book (that I thoroughly enjoyed and refer to a lot). If you’re interested in more insight from this great Life Coach, check the e-book out and visit his blog here.
I have to say - and I told Tim this - I was doubly fortunate for this experience because the sessions just so happen to coincide with a time that I could really use the guidance because I didn’t feel capable of kicking myself in the pants and back into the groove of things. It bites when there is a gap between where you are and when you want to be and having no idea how to cross it. With these tools (and some reminders that I needed), I felt more at ease in my own skin. With the Fall semester at the University coming up, this site, and several other responsibilities that I have, a strong sense of self is so necessary.
So a very public thanks for sheer gratitude to Tim Brownson for the opportunity to work with him. Thank you Tim!
And thank you, the treasured readers of InMyHeels for taking a walk in MY heels with me through the life coaching experience. I hope you’ve found this series to helpful to you in your own journey.
Here’s to our best lives!
Photo by: geekattack
I enjoyed reading this series. I’m sorry to see it end! Tim has taught me a lot about reframing - a term that I wasn’t familiar with before, and now I try to implement this technique almost every day.
Vereds last blog post..I Am Watching You
I have to say, I’m more interesting in trying reframing after hearing that it worked for you. Like you say, it may be a mind game, but if helps you, why not play?
I agree with Vered–this series has been really eye-opening. Thanks for the insight!
Sara at On Simplicitys last blog post..Teaching Tweens Simplicity
“….acceptance is paramount to your peace of mind.”
I agree. It’s better to focus on the things we do control like how we react to different situations that happen to us. I always try to remember that people or situations can bring us down only if we allow them to.
Thanks for sharing this great post.
Jaymes last blog post..RSS Feeds for the Soul
I don’t view reframing as a mind game. I see it more as looking for other perspectives to your situation. Where I get hung up is feeling the emotion so much I have a difficult time seeing the other perspectives. I get overwhelmed with the intensity of it all. I sometimes feel paralyzed for a day or 10.
Tim does seem to be a great, giving person. And with his wit? A lot of fun to read.
I enjoyed your journey with this. Thanks for sharing.
Hi JEMI,
It’s so good to see you writing again. I’ve missed you.
I totally agree that we can always find something good out of something bad that happens. Ironically the more we practice this technique, the less the bad things affect us. I use this practice a lot in our business and it’s made me a better business woman.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Your Audience - Hitting The Bulls Eye
Thanks so much for sharing the lessons you learned. I’ve been trying to be more present and “observe” my thoughts and reactions a bit more, and this post reminded me that it’s a process. I won’t always do it quickly or easily and sometimes I won’t do it at all. But the more tools I have, the easier it will be to build the life (and reactions to that life) that I want to have.
Ami at Writing: My Lifes last blog post..OLS Week 11 & The Pseudo-Foodie Experiments Pt. 2
Some real gems here Jemi.
Acknowledging what’s happening in your head and realising that you have a choice about what it means is such a powerful strategy and puts you squarely in the drivers seat. Even on those days where you feel crappy, where you don’t want to do much of anything become okay, because you can decide to let that ride knowing that you’ll come out the other side.
That’s where your values come in useful too. Even when you do feel terrible or terrible things happen to you, your values are always there like a comfort blanket, just waiting for you to tap into them. I talk about values as the things that are right at your very core, the things you have ten thousand feet down inside you.
They’re the foundations, cornerstones and building blocks for who you are, and are the things in yourself, others and the world that are most important to you. That’s why you’ve operated with them intuitively before, because subconsciously you knew what the were all along.
Know what they are, trust them and honour them and you can’t go wrong. That’s real inner confidence, and it’s what you seem to have nailed.
Keep doing what you’re doing.
I love reframing. I’ve been using this type of technique for about 4 years now. Since then, things have really changed in my life. Thank you for sharing all of these insights and coaching for the rest of us to benefit from. It is truly generous of you.
Nathalie Lussiers last blog post..Money Talks: How Do You Talk Back?
I like this idea of reframing and have tried it (with some degree of success…) myself…… but my question is, is there some way to suggest reframing to someone without seeming overly critical or offensive? Think this is an activity that my sibling can definitely engage in, as she often gets quite negative without meaning to.