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An anonymous reader of InMyHeels.com requested this piece so true to the nature of this blog where the walk InYourHeels counts, I am taking a stab at it and would love your feedback. What makes you likable?
It is no secret that first impressions are important. One gander your way and often times someone makes general assumptions based upon your appearance, gait, speech - you name it. Meeting new people already has its set of challenges. Now to add another complication, suppose you get the impression that the person/people you are meeting don’t like you. Maybe they don’t seem very receptive or impressed by your presence. Want to twist the knife? Suppose they are meeting someone else for the first time as well and are simply delighted with her company - and not shy about expressing it.
That hurts.
Before I continue, please bear in mind a fact that you undoubtedly know however serves as little consolation when it feels like more than one person isn’t moved by your company. Not everyone will like your fabulous self. I know - it’s a tough pill to swallow when you’re as wonderful as you are but let’s not forget this bit of wisdom. Their negativity is not about you - it’s about them and THEIR story. How do you know that you’re not the spitting image of Charlene from the 3rd grade that made that person’s life a living hell?
You don’t. And that’s just one very real example of millions that explain the distaste. This is why its imperative to work on yourself and being the best person you can be in your own skin. With that comes the confidence that this is you. If someone can’t accept you as is, well, tough noogies!
Now - the most likable you is not very far off. I understand that not everyone is Ms. Friendly. But some conscious effort on your part can make all the difference. And if that’s what you’re looking for, here are some tips that work.
Meeting New People
Be Pleasant
Do you have a particular reason to frown as you shake a new hand? How about looking disinterested when all you are is nervous? The person that you are with can’t tell that something is on your mind because your behavior seems to be reacting to their presence. Have a welcoming presence about you. Be interested in what the person has to say. Your body language underscores or strikes out these very bits of advice. If you’re avoiding eye contact, slouching, mumbling, being overly quiet - you’re giving cues of disinterest or insecurity. You’re fantastic remember? Smile! Relax! … Really!
Genuine and Mentally Present
The advice above comes hand and hand with this because it is truly painful witnessing someone plaster a fake grin with dead eyes and a stiff handshake. Be genuine when speaking to others. When I say be interested in what the other person has to say, skip out on the daydreaming and engage in real conversation. Even if it’s small talk, listen to what he/she has to say and contribute to the conversation. See, there is a huge difference between hearing someone speak and listening to what they’re saying. When you hear someone, you hear the audible sounds that are streaming into your ears but you are not really aware of what they are talking about because your mind is elsewhere. Or perhaps its you politely being quiet and giving them ‘a turn to speak’ in which you go right back to what you were speaking about - not necessarily acknowledging their input. <<–You don’t want to do that.
Listening, however, means you are taking in the information and processing it in your mind. You are able to give feedback based on what was being said. When you are conscious of what’s going on, you catch on and store little bits of information that can matter later on. Be that person that remembers certain details and can bring it up later. People tend to be flattered by that kind of thing particularly because your attention means you cared about what they had to say. Simple yet very effective!
Give Your Company a Word In the Edgewise
Do you know about most people loving to talk about themselves? Be generous with conversation time by asking open-ended questions that need more than a Yes or No. Listen with interest. Share an anecdote, opinion, or story of your own. Natural conversation often evolves when this is done. Talking too much makes you seem nervous or scatterbrained (oh no!) and speaking too little insinuates that you can’t possible be very interesting. But here you are - you clever reader you - asking questions and engaging with the other person. You’re seeking your flow so go for it!
People You Know
It’s About Them Too!
Do you know how that person’s day is going? Did you ask? When is the last time a conversation had anything to do with the opposite party’s matters?
It’s so easy to get caught up in talking about ourselves and completely shut others out. It’s also painfully easy not to notice because sometimes other people aren’t the type to say “Ok - please. I need to talk too!” When you respect and appreciate another person, it shows through your actions. So when initiating conversation, skip the “I, I, I” for a moment and find out what’s going on with your present company. Even if it’s nothing, the fact that you asked is very often appreciated.
Be Helpful and Considerate
Kindhearted helpfulness and generosity are traits that ought not be underestimated. If you’re a friend that offers to help during tough times (you don’t need to sell your house and split your funds to be a good friend. Sometimes just an ear or an extra hand is priceless) you soon become seen as valuable. Be mindful of your actions. Don’t become a crutch or so selfless that you begin resenting your friendship. Rather, feed this friendship with a healthy dose of support and love. Be the kind of person that makes a rainy day better. You never know your impact or how that kindness returns.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
It’s tough to take a flaky person seriously. You build or disintegrate your rep as a friend every time you make and break/keep a promise. Become the kind of person the people around you can count on by making sure your actions match your statements at least most of the time. Another thing? Don’t say yes when you really mean no. Resentment is poison between people and you might begin behaving in ways that repel others without even knowing it!
Tone Down the Negativity
Does everything that leaves your mouth have to do with the words “Never, can’t, don’t, yeahhhh..sure” and things of that nature? Do you realize that you may be stomping on someone’s dreams without merit? Do you realize that constant negativity can be unattractive? You then become the friend that no one says anything to because you’re always being negative. Now, there is a difference between being negative and realistic. How can you add a realistic, positive input into the conversation? How can you disagree without attacking someone’s intelligence? Now I am aware that some people pride themselves at being brutally honest however if you’re not careful with your approach, you might find yourself brutally alone. 
Have Your Own Interests
Whether you are about to knock the socks off a new interest you just met or you love your bff to death, have your own interests. Your own time. Your own thing. Here’s why. You are going to have your own realm of things to talk about. That’s one. Two, excelling at your own interests breeds confidence and inner strength. Every time you do something for yourself despite the surrounding commentary, you are telling yourself you COUNT enough to pay attention to. That confidence will serve you in many a place but in the context of others, you will be able to be genuine or listen with interest like I mentioned above because you are not too busy assuming someone’s style or being so self conscious that you can’t carry a conversation. You’ll be more likely to have input, opinions, and experiences to share.
Being Yourself… and Why
It can be sorely tempting to act like Whats-Her-Face because people love that she’s so smart or like That-Girl because she’s a fashionista. There is nothing wrong with working your own smarts or looking good but pushing yourself so out of your element that you feel unnatural is not a good idea. Your personality is yours so be consistent. I personally think everyone can enhance themselves with tips from self improvement that has to do with positive thinking and growth. A smile isn’t fake if you genuinely have reasons to be happy and grateful. It IS fake is you put it on for no other reason but to look like So-and-So when people are looking.
Dig deep and bring out the best in you. Get comfortable with her. Do things to invite people around you instead of hurting them and turning them off with unkind actions. If you’re mindful of others, they’ll be mindful of you.
All in all, being the best you is all you can do and know that it’s always enough. If you want to attract others, think of what’s going on with you. Would you like your own company? Do you contribute to the happy factor in other people’s day? The authentic you is what sticks - change for people and somehow they can sense the fake factor and react accordingly.
Don’t forget - you get to choose good company too!
So how about you? What are some things that people like about you? Surely you know - don’t be shy about sharing!
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