Some people seem to undermine the entire concept of human decency. You might have witnessed such behavior before - blatant disregard for anyone and everyone. It’s unnerving, it’s maddening, and it just gets your blood boiling. Sometimes your reaction is more along the lines of rage and revenge. Even if you’re generally a nice person, something about “teaching them a lesson” is appealing when you entertain the thought.For the sake of your quest for self content - don’t.
I understand the appeal of righting a wrong that has been done to you. Whether it’s the betrayal from a loved one, or being victimized by a thief - somehow you might feel that through revenge, a power will be returned to you. A power stolen by the person who wronged you.
Take a look at this perspective for a moment.
The power that you seek to regain is in actuality the loss of control that you felt seep away upon the realization of this person’s actions. Big or small, what this person has done has not only hurt you, it made you feel “had” or “duped”. Perhaps that was their intention- but allowing the rage to consume you removes you from your ability to enjoy peace of mind and into a world consumed with anger and vengeful thinking. Despite what you might think, hurting someone back for something they have done to you will at best be a short lived, empty joy. The satisfaction that you might hope will rise out of your actions won’t be there. Even if you did pat yourself on the back for completing your mission, it won’t rectify the wrong done against you. How about in a situation like loss or death? Entities that you can’t “punish back”? It’s not about not feeling your anger; it’s about not allowing it to consume you.
In order for you to reach a point where you control your anger you must:
Take a Breather
When you’re at your wits end and your hand is now a fist, most likely it’s coupled up with a heart that’s beating a mile a minute and your blood is rushing in your fury. You need to regain control because the adrenaline is pumping and it’s ready for action. You need to slow your physical body down and in order to do that, you must stop. Stop and breathe deeply (this honestly works). A few long, slow, deep breaths will help you unwind. Using relaxation techniques like deep breathing and stretching arms you with a much more powerful and useful tool - the ability to think clearly. Controlling your thoughts and actions is much more empowering than blind rage.
Let It Out
Go do some pushups. You can’t do pushups? Maybe in this mode you can. Getting some physical activity in to work off some steam is an excellent way to release some of that energy that has you so amped up. Punching a bag may not solve your problems but it just may make you feel better.
Know What You’re Feeling
Taking a piano, an anvil, an elephant, AND a hippo and sitting them all on top of your hurt won’t spare you the effects. Sure, you can technically bottle it all up inside however the time to deal with your feelings will come - even at the most inappropriate times. Your feelings might manifest itself in your actions or your words. They don’t disappear. Acknowledging what you’re dealing with and perhaps getting the help you need if it just seems overwhelming isn’t weakness. It’s strength. Write it down, speak about it, no - don’t punch anyone in the face and if you end up doing so anyway- say you’re sorry. But feel out loud. It does wonders for the soul… AND your blood pressure.
Forgiveness
You might not always get an I’m sorry from the person who hurt you, or the thing that has brought you grief. In a perfect world, he-who-has-cut-in-front-of-you-in-line has the perfect Hallmark card AND a gift card. Unfortunately, this is not the perfect world and if your peace of mind lies in the hands of someone else, you might never get it back. The act of forgiveness is very powerful and freeing. To forgive is not synonymous to forget. You may never forget what he/she has done to you.. but to actually forgive is to release the reigns of resentment and bitterness. It is you literally making the choice to rise above the action and not allowing the resentment to dictate your actions any longer. This isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially if the action was particularly hurtful. The great thing about it is the bigger your heart must be in order to rise above the situation, the greater the strength you will gain.
More than anything, forgiveness is for you.
Take a look at your anger and see how it has held you back and prevented you from certain joys and from peace. Plotting against someone for hurting you only pushes you deeper into your anger and further away from the positive energy that you need for genuine happiness in your life. If you think about it, at that point you’re being robbed twice and it has the potential to multiply itself exponentially until your anger ultimately changes you as a person.
Don’t allow the negative things in life to take away the positive things available to you. Anger is part of human nature. But remember - it’s just a part. Don’t allow it to consume you.
Photo by: Birta Ran
