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Fear has this (not so) funny way of undermining us and our abilities.  You can secretly marvel the self-employed success story, knowing full and well that you have the skills to become one too– then slink back to your desk job.  As you read the rest of this post, I want you to put your mind at ease for a moment and just entertain the thoughts of limitless possibilities that would flourish if you ever dared to step in that direction.  It all starts with a thought and the mind frame that thought is encased within.

What are You Afraid Of?

If you absolutely had to pinpoint the reason for your fears, what or who would be the culprit?  I ask you to examine this because it’s very possible to not even realize that you are afraid of something in particular.  It’s easy to finger sources that create the possibility of physical harm and danger.  That’s not only fear, that’s common sense.  But what about the less obvious but just as effective sources- your feelings.  Giving your less obvious fear factor a face enables you to create solutions tailored to your particular problem. 

You want to identify what it is you are afraid of.  For instance, you may be terrified of aiming for that dream career.  It’s a different life requiring different elements.  But looking a little deeper, the reason you are afraid is because you believe in your heart of hearts that you won’t be efficient and that you won’t succeed. 

What you believe to be true will always trump what actually is true until experience reveals the truth itself. 

This is why the saying “Face your fears” is an oldie but a goodie.  You create new points of references to those beliefs that hold you back by actually experiencing the very thing you fear.  See why it’s important to identify what your nervousness stems from?  Find the root and you’ll have a great place to start the changes you want.   

Start Small to Grow

Gradual exposure to the things you are afraid of helps you overcome fear.  The key is exposure.  With exposure comes the new experiences. 

You don’t know how to swim and so you fear drowning.  It’s why you’ve avoided water parks and the beach all these years.  Very reasonable.  Now, in “facing your fear” you wouldn’t jump off the diving board into the deep end without so much as a clue what floating even feels like.  Forget the belly flop, that’s just dangerous.  But what if you were to start off dipping your toe in the shallow end of the pool (whew!) and begin wading to deeper levels (look at you go!)?  In building your confidence with the water, learning to trust your body, you eventually become the next best thing to a mermaid.

If the lot of your fear in something is based upon your lack of trust in your capabilities, become capable.  Take classes that will teach you the tools you need for your success instead of saying “I could never do that”.  You can never do it if you never try to.  Real life experiences are the best teachers - no wonder people feel perfectly ok to run an intern ragged AND skip out on paying them.  As a lowly intern, you do fetch the coffee but your mere presence in the company of those who are doing what you want to do is much more valuable than skimming the glossy pictures of the people who are enjoying the limelight. 

There’s something to be said for starting small.  Even if it feels silly or insignificant, note that you are starting SOMEWHERE and starting is the one thing that guarantees the possibilities- not the idea itself.

Consistency is King

We are creatures (lovely ones) of habit.  Good or bad, we follow the patterns of our habits even if runs us into the ground.  But wouldn’t you rather your habits elevate you to new heights instead?  If you’re programmed to hide in sheer horror, aghast at the picture of a large audience staring at you as you fumble through your first speech, you will flee at the sight of a proposal (or class requirement) for you to speak.  It’s what you do.  You dodge crowds.  So in overcoming your fear of speaking to the masses, you

- Acknowledge the fact that you hate speaking to groups of people because you’re afraid they’ll think you’re a nitwit and that they won’t like what they see (What are You Afraid Of?)

- Take the opportunities to speak to several people at once as they arrive- Small group of four or five at a dinner party?  Contribute to the conversation - don’t slink away.  A collective laugh as a group, or a smile, or hey - even a debate tells you that you are worth listening to.  That kind of feedback contradicts the reasons for your initial fear.  (Start Small to Grow)

and now

- Do it again and again.  Did that last experience work out well?  Not so much?  Do it again.  Positive outcomes give you a little bit more courage, even if it didn’t work out so well sometimes.  With more positive experiences being the source of your beliefs than negative, you build new beliefs.  Even if you do get butterflies when you are about to give that speech that will surely do wonders for your career, you know that the crowd won’t eat you for breakfast.  You know that you can engage a group of people with the thoughts that flow with great energy through your words.  (Consistency is King)

Mistakes are Valuable Too

As much as I wish I could tell you everything you set yourself up for will flourish and grow exponentially in the graces of good will, I can’t.  Mishaps, miscalculations, mistakes.  They all happen.  But what YOU want is to gain, not lose.  Use those mistakes to your advantage.  So burnt orange was not the way to go in terms of suits for that job interview.  Fine.  Don’t avoid interviewing ever again.  Instead, go pick up a dark, well fitting suit and walk into that next interview with the confidence that comes with knowing what you’re doing.  And hey, if you’re trying to get to the top, pay attention.  Other people make mistakes, and some people are kind enough not to hide them.  Learn from them.  Enrich yourself with the knowledge you need to succeed.

That something that you really want?  It’s not out of reach you know.  In fact, it’s right on the other side of your fear.  If you decide to work through that fear instead of allowing it to work you, who knows how far you can go?  There’s always a way to get something done.  It’s a matter of personal will.  It’s all part of taking control of the life that you have and molding it into the life that you love.  It’s a personal decision that I made and I encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to do the same thing for yourself. 

See you on the other side.

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 Photo by:  Katie W.

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