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It’s Memorial Day and I can’t help but bask in memories of my late hubby. Since losing my soldier, I’ve been faced with the rock bottom part of life. You know - the part you have no voluntary interest in seeing. Ever. It’s a year and a half later and to my pleasant surprise, I have experienced not only growth but actually happiness. If you told me that a year ago, I would grant you a blank stare and perhaps a look of pity at your eager hopefulness.
I am living proof to each and every one of these tips as I have experienced the life altering effects of each and every one of them. Perhaps you are in a situation that has brought YOU much sadness, anxiety, depression. Or maybe you’re stuck in the doldrums of life - not really grasping whats so great about it. I believe in living your best life now. So come on - I have to share the goods with you!
Eating Clean
I learned this term in Oxygen Magazine - a leading fitness magazine for women who really workout - and it was coined by Tosca Reno. It’s the cycling of good old advice but in layman’s terms and bright, colorful, motivating pictures and that’s good enough for me. Eating Clean basically means eating foods in their natural form - all the way down to the oranges of your orange juice. The corn syrup, trans-fats, and all that jazz are not only unnecessary, they are energy zapping, blood sugar spiking, spare tire inducing culprits that are found in highly processed food. Now before I continue, please understand that I am a college student on her own who had absolutely no interest in cooking grand dinners every night. I was shocked at the ease and the benefits of Eating Clean. Me - a woman who has to fight many physical and emotional complications of losing the love of her life - am feeling a lot better because of this.
It’s incredible for losing extra fat or building muscle - whatever floats your boat. So typical rules? You stay away from foods that were created in labs. You avoid additives, simple carbs (all the white floured foods) and you stock up on the natural goodness that come from flavor rich foods. And a little secret? I eat vegetables now. Yes, voluntarily. They can actually be good. This is a revelation to me so bear with me will you?
You do this with some regular exercise and you will end up looking at your new, hot bod rather lovingly on a very regular basis. Not that I do that or anything. *chuckles*
I encourage you to try it out. Even some alterations in your daily diet will provide you with some drastic improvements. Remember - a great body is 80% nutrition, 10% exercise, and 10% genes. Yes, really.
Spirituality
I was born and raised a Christian. That all went to the pits the day my husband died. I don’t think it should be legal - the rage I had against God. When people would come to me and say “It all happens for a reason” about my 22 year old hubby - well - lets just say thank goodness no one can hear your thoughts.
All that being said, I’ve begun to explore spirituality a few months ago and I am not only startled by its impact, I find myself hungry for me. Me - again - the same one who would consider punching you in the face if you mentioned anything about faith to me.
Now I am well aware that there are many different practices out there and am not looking to spark a grand debate. Rather, I have to say whether you are religious, spiritual without denomination, whatever it is you do - having something to believe in…having hope for balance and personal peace is by far the greatest gift known to man.
I read an incredible blog about spirituality written by Tom Stine of TomStine.com. He also has many insightful readers. Laugh if you will but it was actually The Secret that got me thinking about life outside of depression again. That led me to many books, audio cds, blogs and eventually back to my roots.. curious about a very different aspect. Less about the politics of religion and more about the connection.
Life saving stuff I must say. I am still a novice but I think that’s a great thing. It’s exciting to lessen strong anxiety with beautiful feelings. It’s exciting to discover hope. Regardless of what your hardship is, it’s exciting to really feel there is more to life than the nonsense you have been dealt. Boy does that feel good.
Quality Relationships
Ok. There is knowing people for the sake of acquaintances and there is KNOWING people.. the ones closest to you. Quality relationships are life savers because when you get past underestimating a loved one’s ability to understand where you stand, you find yourself leaning into love that is healing. Its about actual acceptance of you as is - and vice verse. Have you ever experienced that? Have you ever given a loved one a real chance? Its amazing how long you can go through life cutting people off from the real you. Of course you have your need for privacy and reserve. However, when you are going mad because you are going through something and you can’t share it, you are missing out on the healing effects of a quality friendship .. a quality love.
How about when great things happen? A quality relationship of any sort is with someone who can be genuinely happen for your good fortune without seeking ways to minimize the great thing that just happened. Sometime we stick to people like this because we are used to such undercutting remarks. People like to stick to what they know. So how about you get to know a positive sense of a relationship where the appreciation for you doesn’t stop when you rise from your current position?
The quality relationship continually feeds itself positive, loving energy. It goes both ways. It is supportive, it is appreciative, it is very much alive. Who do you have that with? Don’t forget to Love Them Out Loud.
Me Time
It doesn’t matter if you are Super Woman with energy drinks flowing through her veins instead of blood. Life will continue to happen with or without you. Your circumstances may be tough - whether you solicited it or not - but you need that Me Time. Me Time is the time you relax and enjoy your own company. It’s the time you dive into a blissful self reflection and the world is literally on time out.
Your Me Time is guaranteed to make you more productive than nixxing it ever could. It doesn’t matter how in love you are, how crazy your boss is, how much of a social butterfly you are, or whatever other circumstance you can conjur up. Learn to enjoy your own company. Learn to fall deeply in love with yourself. You radiate a confidence and energy when you get to know yourself. Your neediness (I won’t tell) lessens and the love you give your partner comes from a pure place as opposed to the Land of Save Me From Myself.
A lot of people tell me “You go to the movies alone? SERIOUSLY?! I could never do that”. Little do they know, I have a grand old time. Yes, I will laugh out loud. I will smile at strangers. I will take myself to dinner dolled up if I want to. This is all about learning about How to Be Alone Without Being Lonely (a future post coming soon so subscribe and watch out for it!)
You become a better person, parent, spouse, student, boss, employee - anything - for it. Its true.
Selfless Giving
I was delighted to read this post from Leo of Zen Habits particularly because I strongly believe in the ongoing effects of improving someone’s day by giving a bit of yourself. Whether you gift a dollar or a smile, you can have a strong positive impact on someone’s day and I promise you it feels good.
Many people have no idea what they’ve done for me on very dark days that they didn’t know I was surviving particularly because I plaster my (usually genuine) smile on my face. I’ve learned to do that because wearing misery out in public brought its own complications. For instance, two very close friends of mine drove the 1.5 hours it takes to get to my apartment and barged in to clean it from top to bottom. When depressed, microwaving a tv dinner is hard work let alone manage all the space I have in here. I tried to get rid of them, humiliated that they caught me “not having it together”. One of them spoke gently (surprising because this girl makes you laugh with everything she says!) “JEMi, you don’t have to be embarrassed. Please stop. We love you”
I will never forget such tenderness. It reminds me of the times when I would work with the elderly. Sometimes tears would fill their eyes. I would think .. my coffee is THAT good?! Its the company. It’s the smile. It’s what you can do for someone else without expecting anything back. Its another one of the richest feelings in the world and you are truly robbing yourself of great things by not giving a little bit of a happy you to someone out there.
Recording Your Memories
Pictures, journals, blogs, tape recordings… however you can do it - capture memories that you want to reserve. You’ll have wonderful points to look back to and its strange yet pleasant how strong some of those memories are in pulling you into a happier place. Strive to CREATE beautiful memories. Life hands you enough lemons, don’t you agree? Why not reach out for the blessings it has to offer as well?
You may not be “into” writing. That’s why the cameras or digital recorders work just as well. This life is about you! Look back and enjoy. Look forward and enjoy. Live now and enjoy. It’s an easy way to lift yourself up and .. well.. why would you miss out on that?
Life Saving Gratitude
You tend to hear “Be grateful” alot but do you take a moment to try it out? Especially during some bad moments, when you’re too busy finding things to say “I’m grateful for..” you can’t help but begin to feel better despite your best efforts. That mind of yours.. it’s so powerful, one must respect it enough to feed it the good that counters the bad. You can condition yourself to find things to be appreciative of as opposed to the things that prove life sucks. Even if its “I’m grateful I found that other sock today.. that’s really my favorite pair”. Giggle to yourself and let the words roll through. It will reduce your stress, it’ll guide you to living more consciously, it will feed you even MORE reasons to be grateful, it’ll have you looking for more, and you will just feel good.
For instance - for ME? I am grateful for InMyHeels.com and the fantastic readers that come here. The emails I receive, the engaging and insightful comments, and the wonderful people I meet - not to mention the opportunities that it brings!
Since I heart you all, I encourage you to live your best life. Live with the real wealth that comes with these suggestions. Once you get into it, you wonder what on earth you were doing before - which is fine because thats just one more thing to be grateful about.
Smile. Life can be good.
For more, life improving reading, check out the awesome JonathanMead.com (the man created my logo and I am eternally grateful. Oh.. he can really write too lol), SuccessSoul.com, ADaringAdventure.com, TheGrowingLife.com, and TheNext45Years.com. These are some truly incredible blogs. I would say that - they are some of my favorites. I suppose this little list counts as tip # 8 then. Consider it a loving bonus. 
To continue receiving Tips for Life, Love, You that provide more ideas on living the good life, subscribe and keep up InMyHeels.com!
Photos by: Stu Willis and mai lirol poni
Hi Jemi - Nice list!
If there were room for eight things I would just add, *travel* will expand your mind and change you in ways that you never expected.
Enjoy your loooong weekend.
MH
Thank you for an inspiring post. Being grateful… that’s tough. It’s so much easier for me to whine and complain. But I have a little nightly ritual where, instead of saying a prayer (which I used to do as a child), I silently count my blessings. Now, if I could only incorporate that positive outlook into my days, that would make a huge difference.
Vereds last blog post..A Peek Into My Portfolio: 5 Great International Funds
Hi JEMi,
I’m so glad to hear of your continued progress, and to be privy to the insights you’ve gained thus far.
Thanks for sharing them!
Nez
Thank you, JEMi, for sharing some of your life experiences which have shaped your attitude to life. It’s a sign of strength that you feel able to be so open.
The advice to “Strive to create beautiful memories” sums up what living life to the full is all about. Even with the knocks and the blows, once we get back up again, life can be amazing when we grab it with both hands.
Your tips on how you go about it will, I’m sure, motivate others who are having difficulties right now. It might seem tough at the time, as you say, but bad times usually pass. Often, we come out stronger. It seems as if you’ve emerged with a huge, infectious zest for life!
Inspiring words.
very nice Jemi!
The distinction about spirituality though is that it isn’t a religion. It is about connecting with our souls, either individually or collectively. A soul is something we all have regardless of our beliefs.
Nicoles last blog post..Stimulate This
@ mark: Thats a great add - how could i forget
Thanks!
@ Vered: I find that being grateful - the actual mindset- gets easier the more often that you do it. Im glad that your positive outlook is increasing in your personal life.
also - thank you for being a regular reader here.. I’m always happy to see your comments
@ Nez: Thank you Nez.. you guys are the ones helping me and for that I am forever grateful
@ Scott: Welcome to InMyHeels.com and thank you so much for your comment! Yeah - I love the beautiful memories tip. Once I realized what that could do I promised myself Id keep a cam in my car for impromptu beautiful moments
@ Nicole: I should have clarified that in my post so thanks for clearing it up here. Yes spirituality is not religion.. I was raised within religion but its strength in spirituality althogether that has been my saving grace. Thanks for the great input!
I clicked over from Problogger’s site…and was glad I did.
What you said resonated with me as I’ve gone through a bit of a renewal myself in the last couple of years.
I eat clean too, by the way…literally, right down to the oranges in my orange juice.
Have a great week!
Sarah
Sarah Parkers last blog post..5 Ways to Stick to Your Diet Plan on Memorial Day… or Any Day.
JEMi,
It takes enormous courage to speak from the heart. I’ve always felt great admiration for you but after reading this post, I’m your fan. I have two daughters. I hope that they won’t have to go through the dark days of like you did but if they do, I’d remind them the life of a courageous woman named JEMi. Thanks for the link, as always.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..How to Work Less for a Happy, Balanced Life
JEMi!!!! You are amazing, you know that? I really appreciate the mention, but more importantly I appreciate the fact that you get so much from my blog. That is what all this stuff is about for me: making a difference in someone’s life. No great purpose in life than that.
And, I might add, you are doing amazing. The more I learn of your life, the more amazed I am. You’re young, been through a bunch of sh*t, and yet you’re making it. More than that, you are learning to thrive. And that is cool.
Lastly, awesome job getting a guest post on Problogger. I was thinking of writing a post and sending it to Darren to see if I could get a spot. You did great, and it was a dang good post, too. I actually learned a few things. Getting traffic: the bane of the beginning blogger. Nicely done.
Namaste.
Tom Stine | Living from Consciousnesss last blog post..Affirmations? None for Me, Thanks
I love your enthusiasm and optimism. It is a wonderful and refreshing change from what you get from a lot of bloggers. And that you are finding happiness shows us all that given, at least my own life, hasn’t seen what yours has, happiness should and can be expected and found. Keep up the good work.
Once again you’ve done it. I love the reference you’ve made to your previous articles. You are well-respected by me and value much of your opinions. Thanks for being the center of my sanity.
Hi JEMi,
What a beautifully written post.
From your heart to your blog is how you write. Each time I read your stories of renewal, your words project the strength you’re gaining.
I pray for your continued growth and wisdom.
Your words will help many. Thank you for sharing!
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..NBOTW Teaches Simplicity
Hi Jemi, I just knew that you have ever married, and even more you have lost your hubbie. Couldn’t believe it. That must be tough for such a young woman as you. Great to see that you have come back, standing strong in your heel =) Hope that you will find strength and the real truth in whatever spirituality you are searching. Cheers!!!
Robert
Robert A. Henrus last blog post..How to break religious attitudes and learn from anyone
I stumbled upon this post by accident, however, as usual, the universe was sending me another great message so I thank you for being the channel.
Are you aware of the joy course?
http://www.awakeningjoy.info
please forward this address to those you love and spread the joy around the world.
Ciao, Ozzzy
Student Minister with the Interfaith Seminary
Christine Joy (Ozzzy)s last blog post..Blind Painter
JEMI!!! It always amazes me how you seem to write exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it…I am 100% convinced that God placed you in my life for a reason and I just had to tell you that.
I actually just got back from the px..I bought a few self help books about fitness..eating better, a few religious books because I was also raised in a strong Christian family..but I have attended a few churches that tainted my beliefs, and I’m trying to get back to my faith. When you get a chance read my latest myspace blog..I decided to start jogging and I’m also trying to “eat clean” and get back into my spirituality…all of this because I want to be a healthier person, and because I want to be completely rediculously in love with myself…those were just random ideas I had to start the processs and then today you post this..confirming that I’m on the right track…
I absolutly heart you and I needed to read this today..
thank you =)
-Kiesha
Morning,
Wonderful post. I’m trying my best to articulate some things for myself but this post has my mind reeling (in a good way)!
I need to make time to blog about it and stop making excuses already!
I agree, spirituality has helped me a lot when it comes to getting back into my religion. I was empty towards it for so long and now that I feel I can breathe, it’s an entirely different way of thinking!
Your posts are so eloquent and inspiring!
I hope your Memorial Day remembering your hero was filled with love and great memories.
Kim @ What’s That Smell?s last blog post..Our Insurance is paying for baby formula
Hi Jemi, came back from Problogger to thank you for your response to my question. My comment here is on a totally different issue.
The Memorial day has a way to makes me think beyond the the mundane and focus on those who put their life on the line for us. It’s very personal for me.
Faina Sechzers last blog post..Princeton New Jersey Real Estate Homes And Condos Under $300,000 & $500,000
Great Post! Have you read any of John Eldridge’s books? He is a great author and is all about your relationship with God as being a romance. He has really helped me take my spirituality to a new level. I am experiencing that the more connected I am with God, the more I am connected with my own heart and living from that which gives my life passion and adventure. I also have that friend who KNOWS me. She is wonderful and will give me truth in live when I need it. But she totally accepts me, as is. I also do that for her. It makes such a difference in those difficult times to have that person that loves you inspite of yourself.
It’s great to have friends who worry about you and do everything in their power to make sure that you’re OK. About “me time”, I traveled in Italy alone for about a year and although I met a lot of great people I spent a lot of time doing things alone (from going to the opera, to eating at cafés and restaurants, to going sightseeing, and so on). You really learn a lot about yourself and what you’re capable of when you go on adventures on your own! Very nice post.
Marelisas last blog post..How to Be Creative
Jemi, this is a great site!
Gratitude is the most important part in life. We need to be grateful to be happy.
All the best
Mer
What do I want to say?
I guess that this post was very affirming to me, starting with healthy eating right down to gratitude, and I try to live according to these ideas every day.
As Vered says, it’s often easier - and more enjoyable
to whine, but I know how much I have to be grateful for. I also strive to surround myself with people who make me happy, and I’ve learned how essential solitude is for my survival. I also need to make room for more joy in my life - this is a tough one.
My quest for serenity (which is what I blog about) begins with creating physical order, soon to be followed - I hope - by mental clarity and peace of mind.
I really enjoy your blog!
Ann
Ann at One Bag Nations last blog post..Reducing Email Clutter
@ Sarah Parker: Man am I grateful for that Problogger post. Welcome to InMyHeels.com - I’m so glad you made it! And - lol - eating clean is awesome. I think its great that you do
@ Shilpan: Hello my friend; I am honored by your words. I have this fanstastic community of readers to thank. Knowing that people out there care, can resonate, can relate, that prove there are better days in combination with my faith - thats what gives me strength. It definitely isn’t me alone. And no problem about the link
@ Tom Stine: *Waves* hey Tom! I am glad I had your blog to reference. Yes, I do get a LOT out of your site and encourage you to keep writing. LOL I am full of little surprises. I’m almost like “Boo!” to the people who get to know me from time to time. I am so appreciative of you coming over here and stepping in the pink, white, and grey InMyHeels.com
@ Anonymous: Thank you so much for your valuable feedback <3
@ Cynthia: Hey Cynthia! You know I feel like I can relate to you so well through the words you write. When you’re ready, you’ll let it flow. When you let it flow, you’ll witness the growth that you’re going through. Witnessing that growth begets more growth. It’s a beautiful thing - I’m rooting for you!”
@ Kim: She Of The Lovely Blog - thank you for stopping by!
@ Faina: No problem - I really hope I was able to help somehow
@ Laurie: No I haven’t but because you’ve suggested it, I will take a look into them. Sounds like some powerful stuff! It also sounds like you’ve tapped into something very special both in constant connection with both your relationship with God and your wonderful friendship. Enjoy it - those are some really rich feelings! And ever so abundant too!
@ Marelisa: Thank you for stopping by InMyHeels
Yes, I’m blessed with some fantastic people in my life.
A year alone in Italy?! Wow .. do you know I fantasized about that after watching the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”? I kid you not! Sounds like you got so much out of that trip - and I’m glad you did. I recognize some of the things you mention from my daily life now (and I even am writing about it soon lol) You CAN have adventures on your own and they can be GREAT!
Thank you Marlisa
@ Mer: Aww, thanks for your comment both here and on ProBlogger
Welcome to InMyHeels.com and I’m so glad you like it!
@ Ann: Hellllo
Oh its definitely easier to whine but only because we hardwire our minds to pinpoint all the negatives.. Gratitude on a constant basis becomes your natural form of thinking after doing it conciously for a while quite often..and I promise its much more enjoyable because it doesnt come with the stress and high blood pressure!
You sound like you have a special blog so I’ll be heading right on over. Thank you for stepping InMyHeels.com! Your readership is so appreciated!
JEMi - happy to hear you’re coming through the tough times strong and with purpose. You inspired me with your in-depth descriptions of how to improve our lives. I can tell they’ve been tried and tested down to the nitty-gritty. That is where it’s at, though. Really getting down to the core of what this life is all about and sharing it with others.
I’m proud of you and happy to see your light shining through. Sending you hugs, hugs and more hugs.
Blessings,
Pat Rs last blog post..The Little Things
#1 and #2 are fantastic advice. Actually I think that by just investing in yourself with eating right can lead to a lot great things. Suddenly you start to take responsability for yourself, which for many would be a totally new thing to do.
Lovely post JEMi!
Jemi!!!!
I’m reading your blog and the comments right now. WOW! I’m amazed at how great you are doing. Keep up the good work!!!!!!! Love you!
I just found your blog and I love it. This article is amazing. I agree with all of it and I think I’ll link to it on my site.
Jordyns last blog post..A Hundred Happies
Thank you for a nice read! I\’ve bookmarked your blog for the future.